As promised, here is part 2. In case you forgot, or are a new viewer, here’s the deal: I am in the middle of a wildly successful attempt to reclaim control over my own life by purging the number of shows programmed into my DVR. I know, this is some high concept material.
The rules are as follows:
- I am trying to cut this list from the original list of 50 shows to less than 30 shows. So far, I have gotten rid of 3 so far.
- Reality shows are automatically cut unless there is a VERY good reason to keep them.
- anything that Kristen watches is automatically cut.
Check out the previous entry for numbers 1-10. Here’s 11-20.
11. Saturday Night Live - Here’s the problem. I just don’t get Saturday Night Live. I don’t get Dick In A Box. I don’t get Jizz In My Pants. I don’t get I’m On A Boat. Here’s the formula: Andy Sandberg opens up a Mad Libs. He creates a sentence in which the subject has nothing to do with the object. Like Dick and Box. And Jizz and Pants.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And repeat.
And post to Youtube.
And repeat.
Our Sunday morning tradition was to watch the recording of the previous night’s SNL when we got up. With fast forwarding, it took about an hour. Then 45 minutes. Then a half hour. Now we average about 7 minutes total, and the only reason it‘s that high is because once we watched the entire segment where Kesha was performing with the laser fingers. This one is cut, so I can et back those 7 precious minutes.
12. Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations - I’m going to contradict myself, because this is technically a reality show. But this is a reality show where its star is a 80’s burnout who travels around the world, eating whatever he wants, displaying utter contempt for almost everyone he encounters, and generally acting like an asshole. In other words, welcome to my internal monologue. Keep.
13. Rescue Me - This show is a victim of it‘s own hubris. This show is very good at being funny. It is also very good at being sentimental, and can always be counted upon to evoke an emotional response.. But when it tried to be moralistic, it was terrible. The first half of last season with Michael J. Fox guest starring as an obnoxious drunk was gold. Second half of last season, when it was clumsily trying to create a parable about the dangers of alcoholism? It was shit, almost cartoonish. (Albeit an incredibly violent cartoon.) Keep, but stop trying to teach me a lesson, and just entertain me.
14. Mad Men - It could be the best show on television. But I have a problem with this show. Here’s the thing. Last year, while I was visiting my parents, I happened to watch an episode with my mom. As she was a former executive assistant on Madison Avenue in the early to mid 1960‘s, and she commented on how realistic the show was. If you have ever actually watched the show, you can probably understand how profoundly disturbing that particular comment is to hear from you mother. To put it another way, if an old man with nasally voice, a patchy beard, and a fedora shows up at my door one of these days, I won’t be shocked. Keep, so that I can find out who my real parents are.
15. The Soup Presents - Okay, seriously Kristen, so you have us DVRing a “best of” version of a fucking clip show? I get it, you love Joel McHale more than you love me, but this is ridiculous. This is the kind of shit causes me to take 6 months between blog entries. Cut.
16. Long Way Down -This is an obscure but enjoyable British miniseries chronicling Ewan MacGregor and Charley Boorman’s motorcycle journey from Scotland to Cape Town in Africa. The best parts happened when the two of them would roll into some random European hamlet, and half the villagers swarmed around Ewan MacGregor with Obi Wan Kenobi posters and Trainspotting brand syringes, while poor Charlie sat by himself, fat and alone. Probably happened every episode. Fun show, but Charlie is much too fat and insecure to ride a motorcycle at this point, so their chances of getting back on the road are slim. Cut.
17. Project Runway - So this a reality show that Kristen watches. If I didn’t have at least 5 people reading this entry that liked her better than me, then this would be so frigging cut. But I’m feeling magnanimous tonight, so I’ll give you this one as an early Christmas present. (Because I already gave you your early birthday present.) Keep.
18. Say Yes to the Dress - Cut, because I’m only human. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. (Unless you feel like trading away Valentine’s Day 2011? Whatever, because it's a win-win.)
19. Entourage - Oh, this one is tough. What is Entourage, exactly? Save for the occasional zinger by Johnny Drama or Ari Gold, it’s not really that funny, so we can‘t call it a comedy. It’s not a drama; there’s no tension because nothing bad ever happens to any of the characters. It’s almost like an extended dream sequence. But what if it isn’t all it seems? What if the first six seasons of the show are like the movie Mulholland Drive? In that movie, the first half is an extended dream sequence, in which an actress played by Naomi Watts lives the perfect Hollywood life, meets a gorgeous woman and is well on her way to becoming a celebrated actress. But then, she wakes up, and in the second half of the movie, returns to the cruel reality of her less than successful real life. So what if the next season of Entourage is like the second half of Mulholland Drive, where all of the characters wake up to their own cruel reality, and everything is the opposite of what it seems? What if Vince is really a heroin addled junkie, turning tricks for food? What if Eric is really an interesting and compelling character who actually deserves everything that drops into his lap? What if Turtle is really a fat piece of shit? (Because his awfulness would transcend any reality.) And what if Johnny Drama is the best actor in Hollywood? I for one want live in a world where the name of Johnny Drama is mentioned in the same breath as Brando and DeNiro. Keep, just in case my hunch is right.
That’s right, I just made a David Lynch reference, and at the same time, casually explained the plot of one of the most convoluted movies of the last 10 years in a paragraph. You’re welcome.
20. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia - There’s nothing I can say that about this show, except that it’s the best sitcom on television, bar none. Keep, keep, keep.
So, final score for the second 10 shows? Kept 6, cut 4. Total for two days? Kept 13, cut 7. Result? I am now 70% more efficient. Chances are, I am now the most efficient person that you know. Feel free to marvel at my robot like efficiency.
Stay tuned for part 3. I deserve to have my eyes gouged out for some of the shows on the next part of this list.
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