My return to the blogging world has already stirred up controversy. While some have been outraged over my continuing hatred of the Shia-pet, others have asked why I didn’t start with a football entry, rather than one of my pseudo Entertainment Weekly movie bash pieces. Well, far be it from me to disappoint either of my readers, so let’s get with the football.
While most people daydream about summery things like sunshine and beaches, I spend my August nights dwelling on depth charts and injuries, and whatever happenings may be going on at the Eagles training camp in Lehigh. So let’s go through the positions, one by one, and try to get a glimpse of what’s going on with my favorite football team.
We’ll start with the offense, and my guesses as to who will crack the final 53 man roster:
Quarterback - There are only 3 quarterbacks in camp, and barring injury, all three will make this team. The best news for Eagles fans is that Donovan F. McNabb’s knee is healthy again, and he is throwing passes with author-i-tah. A healthy Donovan is a good Donovan. As you can tell by reading through my archives, I am a long time McNabb apologist. One reason for this is that McNabb and I are so similar, as anyone can easily see. Scoff if you will, but bear with me. He was introduced to the NFL in typical Philly fashion, booed as soon as his name was announced at the NFL draft. Right around the same time, I was being routinely booed by my law school professors at class every day.
Bonus law school fact: At Philadelphia area colleges, teachers will actually throw batteries at you for a wrong answer, or even a correct answer that isn‘t correct enough. Everyone knows the famous speech that professors give on the first day of a law school class: “Look at the person on the right of you, and look at the person on the left of you. Remember those faces, because in six months, I will have knocked at least one of you on your ass with this battery.”
Of course, Donovan and I have come a long way together over the last 9 years, as things got better for him, and better for me too. Over that time, he became a great quarterback, and because of that, had the Eagles playing at a higher level than they ever had before. And for me, those years have been among the happiest of my life, as I met the woman who would become my wife, and found a wonderful group of brilliant friends, all of whom continue to amaze and delight me every single day. So here we are now, both not quite at the brink of a big change, but close enough to see it clearly, and to know that the end of this particular chapter is much closer than the first page. It’s not a bad change, mind you, but a new beginning, its only sadness being that such a change represents a step away from the familiar, and for even the bravest among us, the unfamiliar is always strange. But it’s not quite that time yet. These years are still golden; and this chapter is not quite at an end.
Don‘t worry, I have very little sentimentality for the rest of this team. Kevin Kolb is the backup, and seems to have a great arm for such a young player. However, it’s difficult for me to have a sense of where he is. He‘s doing a decent job against second stringers, which is just what he‘s supposed to be doing. A.J. Feeley will be the third stringer, and is a player that I’ve never liked. Even when he reeled off a 4-1 run in 2002, he was basically the team custodian, being carried to wins by superior teammates. He almost changed my mind last season when he came close to leading the Eagles to a win against the then-undefeated Patriots. But then he choked at the end of the fourth quarter by throwing a moronic deep pass that was intercepted, even while L.J. Smith was wide open right in front of him. Oh, how I would have loved for the Eagles to have won that game and shut those Patriots fans up. The best thing about A.J. Feely is that someone was stupid enough to give the Eagles a second round pick for him. Three years later, they got him back for free. Let’s never speak of him again.
Quarterbacks that will make the team: (3) McNabb, Kolb, Feeley
Running Back - here’s where the numbers crunch starts. The Eagles are currently carrying 4 running backs - 1 superstar, and 3 players of relatively equal (though admittedly above average) talent. The superstar, is, of course, Brian Westbrook. Finally rewarded with a new contract, he is finally happy, at least for this year. Unfortunately, the problem with having Westbrook as your star is that he is a relatively fragile player; he will miss at least two games due to injury. Also, he takes time to get back into gear after an injury; he usually needs a game to get back to full speed for each game that he misses. (At the same time, it’s better to have a dinged up Westbrook than no Westbrook - defenses still have to account for him when he is on the field.) Still, let’s assume he misses two games, but also has two “slow” games. Essentially, the Eagles will be without contributions from their star for at least ¼ of the season, making the choice of backup critical. Because of injury concerns at other positions (and the potential need to use roster spots to keep injured players on the active roster), they probably can‘t keep 4 running backs. Correll Buckhalter is a sentimental favorite. Once a young star in the making, multiple knee injuries have made him a situational back, good for, at most, 8 - 10 carries per game. He’s a good complement to Westbrook, knows the offense, and is an asset in every phase of the game when is does get play. His main weakness is that he s not durable enough to be a starter - if Westbrook goes down, it would be madness to expect him to step right in; he would still have to be a complement to Westbrook’s replacement. Lorenzo Booker is the new flavor of the month. A rookie last year, the Eagles traded a 4th round pick to acquire him. So far, he’s been impressive in practice, not so much in games. A similar player to Westbrook, he could theoretically step in if Westbrook goes down, allowing them to run the same types of plays (screens, draws, etc.) that they would run with Westbrook. Ryan Moats is the forgotten man in Eagles camp. He is a talented runner, but he‘s in the wrong place at the wrong time; Booker is a similar player, except that he‘s younger, healthier, and cheaper. Barring injury, he’ll be among the final cuts.
Players that will make the team: (3) Westbrook, Buckhalter, Booker,
Fullback - This is an area where I am admittedly clueless. Andy Reid doesn’t like to use the fullback for anything other than run blocking and pass blocking, so it’s impossible to tell a good one from a bad one without micro analyzing every single play. One of my many problems with Andy Reid’s coaching is that he has actually used fullbacks to limit the offense: when the fullback is on the field, the opposing defense KNOWS that the fullback is not getting the ball, meaning that they only have one fewer offensive player to concern themselves with. If he would make some small attempt to give the fullback more often, it would relieve some of the pressure on the rest of the offense. I’m not saying they should give a fullback 30 carries per game, but would 3 or 4 really kill him? But as far who will make the team? I really don’t know. Tony Hunt was moved to fullback to help increase his odds of making the team, and to relieve the numbers crunch at the running back position, but he’s only played that position for a week or so - they may be forced into keeping another fullback in case the Hunt experiment doesn’t work out.
Players that will make the team (and this is a complete guess): (2) Hunt, and, I don’t know, Jason Davis?
Wide Receiver - Is there anything that causes me more angst than the Eagles wide receiver corps? Year in and year out, this is the team’s Achillies heel. The team’s refusal and / or inability to overspend to find a permanent solution to the receiver problem is the reason that they haven’t yet won the Super Bowl, the reason that Donovan McNabb can’t quite make his reservation for the Hall of Fame induction ceremony just yet, and the reason for many of my new gray hairs. Complicating matters was last week’s painful news that Kevin Curtis, the only true receiving bright spot since Terrell Owens’ departure, would miss a “significant” amount of time after a sports hernia operation. He was the only receiver that other teams had to worry about, and the only one who could be considered as a deep threat. While it may be easier for a receiver to recover from this type of injury to contribute during the season, I’m not holding my breath. Now, the team is left with 4 below average receivers, and 1 unproven rookie. Like with their running backs, the Eagles have a numbers glut at this position, except that the receivers are significantly less talented.
The other “starter” is Reggie Brown, who has also been out for most of the preseason with a bad hamstring, but will presumably return for the season opener. I think it’s time for all of us to be honest with ourselves and admit that Reggie Brown just isn’t very good. He has flashes, but then disappears for weeks at a time. He’ll make the team, and he’ll start, but I don’t know what he will contribute. Then there’s Hank Baskett, who looks like a good wide receiver, and sounds like a good receiver, and even blocks like a good receiver, but just isn’t a good receiver. Jason Avant is a nice 4th receiver, a possession type who can get open as long as he’s being covered by someone that is significantly slower than he is, but even an average defensive back will be able to shut him down. And we can‘t forget Greg Lewis. I remember one game last year when Lewis, filling in for an injured Kevin Curtis, turned in the game of his career - 12 catches, over 200 years receiving, and 4 touchdowns, The only problem? That wasn’t actually the real Greg Lewis, that was the Madden 2008 version of Greg Lewis. The real Greg Lewis’ main highlight from last year was his inability to cleanly field a punt against the Packers, causing the Eagles to lose the game. And finally, there is Desean Jackson, who has looked good as a rookie so far, and may be a playmaker for the team. Two problems - (1) he’s a rookie learning the most complicated passing offense in football, and (2) he’s 5’10, 175 pounds. Please tell me how he’s going to get through the season in one piece.
Players that will make the team (if Curtis does not go in IR): (6) Curtis, Brown, Baskett, Jackson, Avant, Lewis
Players that will make the team (if Curtis does go on IR): (6) Brown, Baskett, Jackson, Avant, Lewis, Bam Childress.
Tight End - this is relatively easy. LJ Smith, finally healthy after an injury marred season, is the clear starter. Given the lack of talent at wide receiver, Smith will likely return to his former role as favorite McNabb target of the non-Westbrook variety. Brett Celek is the number two tight end, and will get a lot of opportunities, again because of the lack of good wide receivers. The third tight end spot will come down to Kris Wilson versus Matt Schoebel, Even though I don’t really know who is winning that battle, I’ll say that Wilson stays, using the younger, cheaper, faster theory. John Dorenbos, the long snapper, is ostensibly a tight end, so I’ll list him here, even though he’s had as much time playing with the first unit offense as I did last year.
Players that will make the team: (4) Smith, Celek, Wilson, Dorenbos
Offensive Line - Another strange aspect of the Andy Reid era. Being fat himself, he loves large offensive lineman (it’s probably a self-esteem thing.) He has compiled a huge collection of 300 + pound monsters, perfect for running the football 30 times a game, right down the other team’s throat. Except that isn’t the Eagles offense. Instead, the Eagles run an offense based on short passes and misdirection, with a mobile quarterback, just the right fit for a smaller, more agile lineman. See the problem here? A big part of pass blocking is anticipating where the quarterback will be passing from, and keeping the defensive player from getting to that point. If the quarterback moves around (like McNabb does), then it becomes more difficult for a lineman to anticipate than movement, and react accordingly, especially if he is 350 pounds. It doesn’t mean the quarterback is bad, or even than the lineman is bad, it’s just that they are a poor fit for that offense. Along with bad play calling, this discrepancy is the reason the Eagles give up so many sacks when McNabb plays, and comparatively fewer when a more stationary backup (Jeff Garcia, Feeley, or the great Koy Detmer) are in the game. As for the players: the ever-present Tra Thomas will start at left tackle. Todd Herremans, although he has been substituting for Thomas at tackle for much of the pre-season, appears to have held off a challenge at the left guard position, and will retain his starting job. Jamal Jackson is secure at the center. Shawn Andrews has missed most of the preseason while suffering from depression, but seems to have returned well. And finally, Jon Runyan will return at right tackle, secure in the knowledge that Michael Strahan is safely retired for good, and can now only torment his nightmares.
Reid likes to usually go with 10 offensive lineman, a roster decision that has probably cost the Eagles some wins. In 2006, Andy went with 10 lineman, and decided to keep fewer defensive backs. When Lito Sheppard was injured during a September game against the Giants, the Eagles could not put 4 healthy defensive backs on the field, and the Giants could pass at will, leading to a painful Eagles loss. (An especially bitter game that is often referred in my archives, it also marked the end of the useful phase of Javon Keare’s career, and was the last time the Eagles ever generated anything resembling a pash rush.) The second time it cost him was 2007 - again, Reid went with 10 lineman, this time at the expense of not keeping any players on the roster who could actually field a punt - the result being that the Eagles fumbled two punts deep in their own territory, and lost the game. This year, Reid may not have a choice; he will likely have to keep injured players at other positions on the active roster (Curtis, Victor Abiamiri), which will reduce his ability to keep so many of his beloved linemen.
Players that will make the team: (9): Thomas, Herremans, Jackson, Andrews, Runyan, Max Jean-Giles, Nick Cole, King Dunlap, Winston Justice.
Next time - the defense (because I’m still waiting to see what happens with Brian Dawkins’ ankle.)
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Sunday, August 17, 2008
The Cure For Writers Block
The summer can be a difficult time to write a blog. Most of what I enjoy writing about occurs during the fall or the winter, like new television shows, or football games. The last few months have been particularly barren, with the Eagles being too pathetic to write about, and the writers strike taking away much of the spring television schedule. The only truly worthwhile shows from the spring were Lost and Battlestar Galactica, and I couldn't write about those, because at least half of my target audience hasn't even caught up with the most recent episodes of either show on their DVR's. (You know who you are, my two first named friend.) I did buy a house, and there many, MANY hilarious things to write about that, except that this blog entry would probably be admissible in the resulting divorce proceedings.
Why don't I write about the Olympics, you may ask? Call me an unpatriotic, but aside from the fact that I now understand how my grandparents must have felt watching the 1936 Berlin Olympics, I can't really get into it. Also, I'm starting to realize the similarities between Olympic events and the recent wave of "extreme" obstacle course game shows. When it comes down to it, is there really a huge difference between using a pole to propel yourself over a stationary bar and trying to avoid being hit by a punching glove machine while wearing a fat suit? I don't think so. Eight gold medals are nice, but until Michael Phelps proves to all of us that he can ride a unicycle up a flight of steps in under two minutes while weightlifters in unitards throw styrofoam projectiles at him, then count me as unimpressed.
Bonus Olympic fact - the number one Olympic related search on Google is "the black thing on Kerri Walsh's shoulder."
See? It's been a boring few months, and I haven't really done or seen anything worth writing about. Well, wait a second, I did see a couple of movies, like for instance…
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
(Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, there's nothing that breaks up an 11 month case of writers block than an overhyped summer movie!)
As we discussed last summer, Hollywood has discovered a new formula for success: Let's take a familiar character or idea that Justin remembers fondly from his childhood. Then, let's take every cliched movie idea from the last 20 years, put them onto a dartboard, randomly throw darts at it, and use the results to make a script. Of course, we have to make sure to make the characters 40% stupider than before, so that they can become cartoonish parodies of themselves and are able to believe this nonsensical plot we've cobbled together. Then, we can throw in some admittedly impressive looking special effects (even if they really have nothing to do with the story, but are merely eye candy to distract the viewer from the total lack of plot). Finally, let's find a Gen-Y star of limited talent who plays the exact same character in every single role, shoehorn him into a story that would be EXACTLY THE SAME without him, and proceed to shove him down the collective throats of a public too distracted by shiny flying saucers to recognize how truly awful he really is.
(We meet again, Shia Lebouf, You truly are the devil's imp.)
Bonus hack director fact: According to imdb.com, "Michael Bay is a close friend of George Lucas, from whom he often seeks advice."
Was it as bad as Transformers? Of course not, nothing that ever happened is that bad. But I also didn't have the same expectations going into Transformers that I did for IJ. Last summer, I knew the risks going in; I was actually paying money to go into a Michael Bay movie. Thou shalt reap what thou hast sown. But Kingdom of the Crystal Skull should have been better; consider the source material: one was adapted from a half hour toy advertisement masquerading as a cartoon, and the other was taken from arguably one of the best movies of the last 30 years, and a classic film by any account. Sure, there were some problems with those sequels. The next film, Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom was pretty much the same movie as The Goonies. I sometimes get them mixed up - if I remember correctly, the plot of that movie involved Indiana Jones going to rescue the Goonies after the Fratelli gang had enslaved them in a child labor camp, and Sloth ripped out Chunk's still beating heart. I think.
Bonus Oscar Fact: Jonathan Ke Quan, playing "Data" in the Goonies, and "Short Round" in the Temple of Doom, did not receive a Best Supporting Actor nomination for either role. (Thanks again to the indispensable IMDB!)
The franchise recovered nicely with Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. It wasn't as good as the original, but still a fun and enjoyable movie - again, my recollection is shaky, but I do remember Indiana Jones throwing a German general out of a blimp at one point. Also, Sean Connery managed to destroy the entire German Air Force with an umbrella and three pigeons, thus allowing the Allied forces to land safely at Normandy during D-Day. Or something like that.
I wasn't expecting a classic, but fun and enjoyable is something they could have shot for, right?
I'll get the easy parts out of the way first and tell you what I did like. Early in the movie, during a scuffle with the Russians in the Area 57 warehouse, a non descript crate was accidentally smashed open, revealing the Ark of the Covenant, from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was a nice moment, and briefly encouraging to see that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg did actually have some passing familiarity with that first movie. Unfortunately, Indiana Jones himself did not seem to remember that first movie, otherwise, he could have ripped the top off of the Ark, covered his eyes, and waited ten minutes for the Russians to melt into a big pile of goo, thereby ending the movie, giving me two hours back, and saving the world from ever having to discover the execrable Mutt Williams as portrayed by Shia LaBeouf. Ah, what could have been.
Something else I liked: a few minutes later, after surviving a nuclear explosion by hiding inside a refrigerator, the silhouetted Indy observes the resulting mushroom cloud from a safe distance. It was an iconic image, an example of a moment that great filmmakers can create, even if it was only the result of a fortuitous combination of a ridiculous plot point and brilliant special effects. Of course, getting to that point was the result of a series of events that juuuuuust slightly stretched audience credibility. Just read that first sentence again.
He was at the epicenter of a hydrogen bomb explosion.
He hid in a refrigerator.
He survived the explosion.
The refrigerator was hurled into the air, crashing miles away.
He survived the impact.
Then, he walked miles to safety through a nuclear irradiated wasteland without even a runny f---ing nose to show for it!
…
If nothing else, this movie taught me that if there is any type of nuclear crisis in the future, I can just go hide out in the refrigerator, staying pleasantly free of radiation, having only to worry about finishing the milk before it goes bad.
Of course, there were things that I didn't like as much:
Indiana Jones is not only older, but getting soft in his old age. Whenever I hear my pacifist, gun hating wife saying "Just shoot him already," then I know things are not well.
Karen Allen, reprising her role as Marion Ravenwood, was apparently so happy to be in an actual movie that she was unable to convey any sort of emotion besides bemused wonderment. I hope that if I'm ever drowning in quicksand or about to plunge off of a waterfall, I can be that happy too.
Cate Blanchett, playing the standard she-communist dominatrix, was just not very good. This might be the most difficult part of the entire blog entry, because I sincerely believe that Cate Blanchett is perfect. Even questioning her imperfection makes me uncomfortable. Let's move on.
Shia Lebouf swinging from vines through the jungle. It's an utter waste to even try to describe that. It's only redeeming value was that it made the nuclear explosion seem believable by comparison.
And finally, the crystal skulls. That's the best they could think of? Who cares about a stupid crystal skull? Even as a child, I could grasp the importance of an Ark of the Covenant (and it sure made Moses seem a lot more kick-ass.) There are plenty of other quasi-mythical questions that could have made sense as the plot of the movie: whether Atlantis existed, whether Bigfoot is real, or what's really going on with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. They could have even made it about the secret message hidden in the Mona Lisa that uncovers a vast conspiracy within the Catholic Church that goes back two thousand years.
On second thought, nobody would ever believe that last one.
Why don't I write about the Olympics, you may ask? Call me an unpatriotic, but aside from the fact that I now understand how my grandparents must have felt watching the 1936 Berlin Olympics, I can't really get into it. Also, I'm starting to realize the similarities between Olympic events and the recent wave of "extreme" obstacle course game shows. When it comes down to it, is there really a huge difference between using a pole to propel yourself over a stationary bar and trying to avoid being hit by a punching glove machine while wearing a fat suit? I don't think so. Eight gold medals are nice, but until Michael Phelps proves to all of us that he can ride a unicycle up a flight of steps in under two minutes while weightlifters in unitards throw styrofoam projectiles at him, then count me as unimpressed.
Bonus Olympic fact - the number one Olympic related search on Google is "the black thing on Kerri Walsh's shoulder."
See? It's been a boring few months, and I haven't really done or seen anything worth writing about. Well, wait a second, I did see a couple of movies, like for instance…
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
(Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, there's nothing that breaks up an 11 month case of writers block than an overhyped summer movie!)
As we discussed last summer, Hollywood has discovered a new formula for success: Let's take a familiar character or idea that Justin remembers fondly from his childhood. Then, let's take every cliched movie idea from the last 20 years, put them onto a dartboard, randomly throw darts at it, and use the results to make a script. Of course, we have to make sure to make the characters 40% stupider than before, so that they can become cartoonish parodies of themselves and are able to believe this nonsensical plot we've cobbled together. Then, we can throw in some admittedly impressive looking special effects (even if they really have nothing to do with the story, but are merely eye candy to distract the viewer from the total lack of plot). Finally, let's find a Gen-Y star of limited talent who plays the exact same character in every single role, shoehorn him into a story that would be EXACTLY THE SAME without him, and proceed to shove him down the collective throats of a public too distracted by shiny flying saucers to recognize how truly awful he really is.
(We meet again, Shia Lebouf, You truly are the devil's imp.)
Bonus hack director fact: According to imdb.com, "Michael Bay is a close friend of George Lucas, from whom he often seeks advice."
Was it as bad as Transformers? Of course not, nothing that ever happened is that bad. But I also didn't have the same expectations going into Transformers that I did for IJ. Last summer, I knew the risks going in; I was actually paying money to go into a Michael Bay movie. Thou shalt reap what thou hast sown. But Kingdom of the Crystal Skull should have been better; consider the source material: one was adapted from a half hour toy advertisement masquerading as a cartoon, and the other was taken from arguably one of the best movies of the last 30 years, and a classic film by any account. Sure, there were some problems with those sequels. The next film, Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom was pretty much the same movie as The Goonies. I sometimes get them mixed up - if I remember correctly, the plot of that movie involved Indiana Jones going to rescue the Goonies after the Fratelli gang had enslaved them in a child labor camp, and Sloth ripped out Chunk's still beating heart. I think.
Bonus Oscar Fact: Jonathan Ke Quan, playing "Data" in the Goonies, and "Short Round" in the Temple of Doom, did not receive a Best Supporting Actor nomination for either role. (Thanks again to the indispensable IMDB!)
The franchise recovered nicely with Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. It wasn't as good as the original, but still a fun and enjoyable movie - again, my recollection is shaky, but I do remember Indiana Jones throwing a German general out of a blimp at one point. Also, Sean Connery managed to destroy the entire German Air Force with an umbrella and three pigeons, thus allowing the Allied forces to land safely at Normandy during D-Day. Or something like that.
I wasn't expecting a classic, but fun and enjoyable is something they could have shot for, right?
I'll get the easy parts out of the way first and tell you what I did like. Early in the movie, during a scuffle with the Russians in the Area 57 warehouse, a non descript crate was accidentally smashed open, revealing the Ark of the Covenant, from Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was a nice moment, and briefly encouraging to see that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg did actually have some passing familiarity with that first movie. Unfortunately, Indiana Jones himself did not seem to remember that first movie, otherwise, he could have ripped the top off of the Ark, covered his eyes, and waited ten minutes for the Russians to melt into a big pile of goo, thereby ending the movie, giving me two hours back, and saving the world from ever having to discover the execrable Mutt Williams as portrayed by Shia LaBeouf. Ah, what could have been.
Something else I liked: a few minutes later, after surviving a nuclear explosion by hiding inside a refrigerator, the silhouetted Indy observes the resulting mushroom cloud from a safe distance. It was an iconic image, an example of a moment that great filmmakers can create, even if it was only the result of a fortuitous combination of a ridiculous plot point and brilliant special effects. Of course, getting to that point was the result of a series of events that juuuuuust slightly stretched audience credibility. Just read that first sentence again.
He was at the epicenter of a hydrogen bomb explosion.
He hid in a refrigerator.
He survived the explosion.
The refrigerator was hurled into the air, crashing miles away.
He survived the impact.
Then, he walked miles to safety through a nuclear irradiated wasteland without even a runny f---ing nose to show for it!
…
If nothing else, this movie taught me that if there is any type of nuclear crisis in the future, I can just go hide out in the refrigerator, staying pleasantly free of radiation, having only to worry about finishing the milk before it goes bad.
Of course, there were things that I didn't like as much:
Indiana Jones is not only older, but getting soft in his old age. Whenever I hear my pacifist, gun hating wife saying "Just shoot him already," then I know things are not well.
Karen Allen, reprising her role as Marion Ravenwood, was apparently so happy to be in an actual movie that she was unable to convey any sort of emotion besides bemused wonderment. I hope that if I'm ever drowning in quicksand or about to plunge off of a waterfall, I can be that happy too.
Cate Blanchett, playing the standard she-communist dominatrix, was just not very good. This might be the most difficult part of the entire blog entry, because I sincerely believe that Cate Blanchett is perfect. Even questioning her imperfection makes me uncomfortable. Let's move on.
Shia Lebouf swinging from vines through the jungle. It's an utter waste to even try to describe that. It's only redeeming value was that it made the nuclear explosion seem believable by comparison.
And finally, the crystal skulls. That's the best they could think of? Who cares about a stupid crystal skull? Even as a child, I could grasp the importance of an Ark of the Covenant (and it sure made Moses seem a lot more kick-ass.) There are plenty of other quasi-mythical questions that could have made sense as the plot of the movie: whether Atlantis existed, whether Bigfoot is real, or what's really going on with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. They could have even made it about the secret message hidden in the Mona Lisa that uncovers a vast conspiracy within the Catholic Church that goes back two thousand years.
On second thought, nobody would ever believe that last one.
A Sporting Apocalypse (originally posted on September 29, 2007)
In his column last week. Bill Simmons of espn.com stated that this weekend could be a Philly Sports Apocalypse, with both the Phillies and Eagles having critical games on Saturday and Sunday. The Phillies postseason hopes will be decided during a 3 game series with the Washington Nationals, while the Eagles face a critical early season divisional contest against the New York Giants on Sunday night - a loss in that game will put a serious dent in their playoff hopes.
I don't write much about the Phillies, not because I don't care about them, but because it's mostly just too painful. Fourteen years ago, Joe Carter crushed a home run off of a Mitch Williams pitch to cost the Phillies the World Series, and the city of Philadelphia never really forgave them (nor did a certain seventeen year old kid who is known to hold a grudge.) For most of the next decade, the team was simply terrible, compounding its losing ways by trading away stars like Curt Schilling and Scott Rolen for pennies on the dollar. Such moves were often prompted by financial considerations (i.e. trying to run a baseball team on the cheap). The city known for wearing its heart on its sleeve had an unusual reaction - the rage in their hearts simply flickered out, and the city just stopped caring about the Phillies. (Don't worry, we had plenty of other targets for our hatefulness.) Philadelphia has always been a great baseball town, but in the late 1990's, baseball in Philadelphia was slowly dying; at one point, the Phillies were on the short list of teams marked for contraction by Major League Baseball.
To its credit, the organization recognized the situations, and made changes - cleaning house in the front office, spending money (sometimes stupidly), building a new stadium - they were finally making an effort. The team was reinvented into an exciting (yet frustrating) all hitting / no pitching team of sluggers, recapturing our attention with a three straight second place finishes, and recapturing our hearts with a dramatic September surge to chase down the New York Mets, a.k.a the third best team that money can buy (after the Yankees and Red Sox, of course).
Which brings us to today - Saturday, September 29th, 2007 - the Phillies sit a half game ahead of the Mets in first place in the National League East. This is the Phillies high water mark, the latest they have been in first place since that fateful 1993 season. So far, I've watched Adam Eaton get pulled in the second inning, Jimmy Rollins get picked off first base, and four pitching changes in five innings; not encouraging signs. As I write this, they trail 4 - 0 to start the 8th inning; perhaps the high water mark is starting to recede. The half game lead is likely to become a zero game lead, and they will likely enter tomorrow, the last game of the season, tied with the Mets.
Meanwhile, the Eagles are playing the Giants at the Meadowlands on Sunday. Both teams are 1-2; the loser of this game will probably be knocked out of playoff contention. The Eagles have some momentum for the first time this season, having scored 8 touchdowns in a 56 - 21 shellacking of the Detroit Lions. However, they may be without five starters, four of whom are Pro Bowl players - Brian Westbrook, L.J. Smith, William Thomas, Lito Sheppard, and Brian Dawkins. Westbrook and Thomas were victims of the coaching staff, having been left in last week's game long after the issue had been decided, and suffering relatively meaningless injuries as a result.
A breakdown of last week.
The good:
Virtually everything the offense did - They scored eight touchdowns, ran well, passed well, blocked well, even coached well.
The coaching staff - they called a good mix of runs and passes - everything worked perfectly.
Donovan McNabb - I knew it wasn't quite time to give up on the old guy - the best quarterback in Eagles history played what was the best statistical game of his career.
Kevin Curtis - mea culpa, Kevin Curtis, mea maxima culpa. You proved me completely wrong, turning in one of the great games by a receiver in Eagles history. If you can pull the same thing off against the Giants…well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The defensive line - for the 3rd straight game, they generated a fearsome pass rush, tallying 9 total sacks.
The bad:
The coaching staff - They really had to make a statement, didn't they? Because the 49 - 21 lead just wasn't secure enough, they had to keep the offensive starters in the game well into the fourth quarter to get that critical eighth touchdown. I'm glad you made your point, coach, because it cost you two Pro Bowlers for the Giants game.
William James and Josellio Hansen - the backup Eagles corners, getting additional playing time because of the injury to Lito Sheppard, managed to allow John Kitna to look like Johnny Unitas. This week, they play against a pretty good quarterback in Eli Manning. Unless the Eagles can generate some serious pass rush again this week, Manning will make short work of the Eagles secondary.
The injuries: McNabb's performance notwithstanding, Westbrook has carried this team for the first 3 games - 100 of McNabb's 382 passing yards on Sunday were courtesy of Westbrook, and his absence will allow the Giants to securely cover an already suspect receiving corps. Correll Buckhalter is a solid backup, but he's just not as good as Westbrook. William Thomas's injury leaves Donovan McNabb's blind side unprotected, and he'll be replaced by Winston Justice, who has all of 1 start under his belt.
Often when the Eagles play bad games, either Westbrook or Dawkins make a big play and bail them out of a tough situation; the team will not be able to depend on them tomorrow. For the Eagles to win, all of the following must happen: Curtis and Buckhalter MUST play well. Justice MUST do a credible job of protecting McNabb. The defense MUST generate enough pass rush to prevent Eli Manning from picking apart the rest of the defense at will. Too many of those "MUST's" depend on unproven players, and the team will struggle tomorrow.
So, if you're keeping score, to keep their season alive, the Phillies not only need to beat the Nationals, they need the Mets to lose to the Marlins. The Eagles, to keep their season alive, need to beat the Giants without 4 of their best players.
The sound you're hearing is my heart in my throat. We're used to having our sports seasons ending cruelly - but it isn't often that two seasons come crashing down on our heads on the same day.
I don't write much about the Phillies, not because I don't care about them, but because it's mostly just too painful. Fourteen years ago, Joe Carter crushed a home run off of a Mitch Williams pitch to cost the Phillies the World Series, and the city of Philadelphia never really forgave them (nor did a certain seventeen year old kid who is known to hold a grudge.) For most of the next decade, the team was simply terrible, compounding its losing ways by trading away stars like Curt Schilling and Scott Rolen for pennies on the dollar. Such moves were often prompted by financial considerations (i.e. trying to run a baseball team on the cheap). The city known for wearing its heart on its sleeve had an unusual reaction - the rage in their hearts simply flickered out, and the city just stopped caring about the Phillies. (Don't worry, we had plenty of other targets for our hatefulness.) Philadelphia has always been a great baseball town, but in the late 1990's, baseball in Philadelphia was slowly dying; at one point, the Phillies were on the short list of teams marked for contraction by Major League Baseball.
To its credit, the organization recognized the situations, and made changes - cleaning house in the front office, spending money (sometimes stupidly), building a new stadium - they were finally making an effort. The team was reinvented into an exciting (yet frustrating) all hitting / no pitching team of sluggers, recapturing our attention with a three straight second place finishes, and recapturing our hearts with a dramatic September surge to chase down the New York Mets, a.k.a the third best team that money can buy (after the Yankees and Red Sox, of course).
Which brings us to today - Saturday, September 29th, 2007 - the Phillies sit a half game ahead of the Mets in first place in the National League East. This is the Phillies high water mark, the latest they have been in first place since that fateful 1993 season. So far, I've watched Adam Eaton get pulled in the second inning, Jimmy Rollins get picked off first base, and four pitching changes in five innings; not encouraging signs. As I write this, they trail 4 - 0 to start the 8th inning; perhaps the high water mark is starting to recede. The half game lead is likely to become a zero game lead, and they will likely enter tomorrow, the last game of the season, tied with the Mets.
Meanwhile, the Eagles are playing the Giants at the Meadowlands on Sunday. Both teams are 1-2; the loser of this game will probably be knocked out of playoff contention. The Eagles have some momentum for the first time this season, having scored 8 touchdowns in a 56 - 21 shellacking of the Detroit Lions. However, they may be without five starters, four of whom are Pro Bowl players - Brian Westbrook, L.J. Smith, William Thomas, Lito Sheppard, and Brian Dawkins. Westbrook and Thomas were victims of the coaching staff, having been left in last week's game long after the issue had been decided, and suffering relatively meaningless injuries as a result.
A breakdown of last week.
The good:
Virtually everything the offense did - They scored eight touchdowns, ran well, passed well, blocked well, even coached well.
The coaching staff - they called a good mix of runs and passes - everything worked perfectly.
Donovan McNabb - I knew it wasn't quite time to give up on the old guy - the best quarterback in Eagles history played what was the best statistical game of his career.
Kevin Curtis - mea culpa, Kevin Curtis, mea maxima culpa. You proved me completely wrong, turning in one of the great games by a receiver in Eagles history. If you can pull the same thing off against the Giants…well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The defensive line - for the 3rd straight game, they generated a fearsome pass rush, tallying 9 total sacks.
The bad:
The coaching staff - They really had to make a statement, didn't they? Because the 49 - 21 lead just wasn't secure enough, they had to keep the offensive starters in the game well into the fourth quarter to get that critical eighth touchdown. I'm glad you made your point, coach, because it cost you two Pro Bowlers for the Giants game.
William James and Josellio Hansen - the backup Eagles corners, getting additional playing time because of the injury to Lito Sheppard, managed to allow John Kitna to look like Johnny Unitas. This week, they play against a pretty good quarterback in Eli Manning. Unless the Eagles can generate some serious pass rush again this week, Manning will make short work of the Eagles secondary.
The injuries: McNabb's performance notwithstanding, Westbrook has carried this team for the first 3 games - 100 of McNabb's 382 passing yards on Sunday were courtesy of Westbrook, and his absence will allow the Giants to securely cover an already suspect receiving corps. Correll Buckhalter is a solid backup, but he's just not as good as Westbrook. William Thomas's injury leaves Donovan McNabb's blind side unprotected, and he'll be replaced by Winston Justice, who has all of 1 start under his belt.
Often when the Eagles play bad games, either Westbrook or Dawkins make a big play and bail them out of a tough situation; the team will not be able to depend on them tomorrow. For the Eagles to win, all of the following must happen: Curtis and Buckhalter MUST play well. Justice MUST do a credible job of protecting McNabb. The defense MUST generate enough pass rush to prevent Eli Manning from picking apart the rest of the defense at will. Too many of those "MUST's" depend on unproven players, and the team will struggle tomorrow.
So, if you're keeping score, to keep their season alive, the Phillies not only need to beat the Nationals, they need the Mets to lose to the Marlins. The Eagles, to keep their season alive, need to beat the Giants without 4 of their best players.
The sound you're hearing is my heart in my throat. We're used to having our sports seasons ending cruelly - but it isn't often that two seasons come crashing down on our heads on the same day.
Here we go again (originally posted on September 22, 2007)
I hope you're all happy. It only took two weeks to drive me back into my thinly veiled coping mechanism, a.k.a. blogging about a stupid football team. I actually started writing one last week, but I scrapped it upon realizing that I was not quite ready to expose everyone to a an obscenity laden tirade, especially after such a long absence. Better to come to a slow boil after a few weeks, so that when I start throwing out f-words in earnest, it won't be too shocking.
The beginning of this football season has a ring of familiarity to it. In 2003, Donovan McNabb, having come off a serious injury the season before, led the Eagles to two straight losses. Then, with the team in already in a tailspin, McNabb became embroiled in controversy, courtesy of Rush Limbaugh, who stated that McNabb's apparent success as an NFL quarterback was an illusion generated by the media because the NFL was desirous of a black quarterback to do well.
While the media, the fans, and the public at large dismissed Limbaugh's comments for the ignorance that it was, it did not erase the reality that the team was in a dire situation.
Four years later, the cycle is repeating. Donovan McNabb, coming off of a serious injury suffered the year before, has lead the team to two straight losses. Now, with the team reeling, he is dealing with another racially tinged controversy.
Consistency is such a wonderful thing.
The breakdown of the first 2 weeks:
The good:
Brian Westbrook - Brian Westbrook has been the Eagles offense, generating all of the team's positive momentum. However, he is suffering from a sprained knee; he just does not have the durability to carry this team to the playoffs by himself, especially when he's the only player that opposing defenses have to worry about.
The defense - as a whole, the defense has been effective, generating decent pass rush, and stopping the run consistently. If the offense could actually hold on to the ball, giving them rest, and scoring some points, allowing them to play from ahead, this perennial weakness could jell into a real strength.
The bad:
The coaching staff - Andy Reid has forgotten all of the coaching lessons that he finally seemed to learn in 2006. Last year, after McNabb's injury, he ran a balanced offense, balancing runs with passes, and mixing Westbrook with Buckhalter liberally to avoid either of the injury prone backs to be overused. Now, with an obviously injured McNabb back at the helm, and Westbrook running up and down the f-ing field when actually he gets the ball, Reid is resorting to his usual unsound offense, passing 70% of the time and ignoring the running game again. Andy, you and I have watched the same number of Eagles games over the last few years. Why is it that I am capable of learning from your mistakes, while you, clearly, are not? Here's some free advice. McNabb is still hurt. Making McNabb pass 70% of the time is playing against the strengths of the team, it is making him look bad when he's clearly not all the way back from his injury, and it isn't winning games! McNabb is the reason your fat ass wasn't on the unemployment line years
ago - try to remember that.
Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown - The Eagles starting wide receivers have been horrible. Reggie Brown, instead of becoming the receiving threat that everyone except for me predicted, has disappeared. Kevin Curtis has gotten open and caught the ball, but has shown none of the explosiveness that was advertised - when he does actually catch the ball, he either gets caught from behind by a 340 pound lineman, or thrown around like a rag doll by any other defender or child that happens to run into him.
Special Teams - They might have won the Packers game but for the two fumbled punts. There were probably 3 or 4 people on my high school team who would have done a better job catching punts than Greg Lewis did. To replace him, the team was forced to bring back Reno Mahe, one of my least favorite Eagles ever, to waste a roster spot and bring his own special brand of incompetence to the punt return team. It is a sorry state of affairs when Reno Mahe represents an improvement over anything.
The commentators - Tony Kornheiser, Ron Jaworski, and Charles Barkley, who were allegedly the TV commentators on Monday Night Football spent about an hour ignoring the game that was occurring on the field to rip into Eagles fans, blaming them for everything bad that has happened since 9/11. Barkley and Jaworski also used it to settle some personal grudges, recalling when the Philadelphia fans "surprisingly" and unjustly turned on them. It's funny, I was probably in middle school at the time, so my memory isn't so great, but I remember the fans turning on Barkley because his skill steadily declined, and because he spent his off the court time either spitting at fans or throwing them through plate glass windows. As for Ron Jaworski, he seems to have forgotten that he was ridden out of town on a rail because Randall Cunningham so thoroughly outplayed him. The little matter of never winning any championships probably didn't help matters either. So sorry we booed you - having all of your athletes continually choke for the 24th straight year has made us a bit testy.
And finally…
Donovan McNabb - McNabb is still hurt. He's limping around the field. He's breathing heavily after the second quarter. He's missing open receivers. He's embroiled in off the field controversy. The fans have turned on him. He has a losing record in games that he's started since the Super Bowl loss.
And yet…
I am not ready to give up on the greatest quarterback in Eagles history. He is a notoriously bad warm weather quarterback. When he's hurt, he's terrible. But the weather will get cooler, and his knee will heal, and one of his receivers is bound to get open sometime. A terrible September will turn into a mediocre October, which will become a hopeful November, which will become a seismic December. And just maybe this year we'll finally get that January miracle.
And that Eagles team from 2003? They won 13 of their next 15 games, and made it all the way to the NFC Championship game…
The beginning of this football season has a ring of familiarity to it. In 2003, Donovan McNabb, having come off a serious injury the season before, led the Eagles to two straight losses. Then, with the team in already in a tailspin, McNabb became embroiled in controversy, courtesy of Rush Limbaugh, who stated that McNabb's apparent success as an NFL quarterback was an illusion generated by the media because the NFL was desirous of a black quarterback to do well.
While the media, the fans, and the public at large dismissed Limbaugh's comments for the ignorance that it was, it did not erase the reality that the team was in a dire situation.
Four years later, the cycle is repeating. Donovan McNabb, coming off of a serious injury suffered the year before, has lead the team to two straight losses. Now, with the team reeling, he is dealing with another racially tinged controversy.
Consistency is such a wonderful thing.
The breakdown of the first 2 weeks:
The good:
Brian Westbrook - Brian Westbrook has been the Eagles offense, generating all of the team's positive momentum. However, he is suffering from a sprained knee; he just does not have the durability to carry this team to the playoffs by himself, especially when he's the only player that opposing defenses have to worry about.
The defense - as a whole, the defense has been effective, generating decent pass rush, and stopping the run consistently. If the offense could actually hold on to the ball, giving them rest, and scoring some points, allowing them to play from ahead, this perennial weakness could jell into a real strength.
The bad:
The coaching staff - Andy Reid has forgotten all of the coaching lessons that he finally seemed to learn in 2006. Last year, after McNabb's injury, he ran a balanced offense, balancing runs with passes, and mixing Westbrook with Buckhalter liberally to avoid either of the injury prone backs to be overused. Now, with an obviously injured McNabb back at the helm, and Westbrook running up and down the f-ing field when actually he gets the ball, Reid is resorting to his usual unsound offense, passing 70% of the time and ignoring the running game again. Andy, you and I have watched the same number of Eagles games over the last few years. Why is it that I am capable of learning from your mistakes, while you, clearly, are not? Here's some free advice. McNabb is still hurt. Making McNabb pass 70% of the time is playing against the strengths of the team, it is making him look bad when he's clearly not all the way back from his injury, and it isn't winning games! McNabb is the reason your fat ass wasn't on the unemployment line years
ago - try to remember that.
Kevin Curtis and Reggie Brown - The Eagles starting wide receivers have been horrible. Reggie Brown, instead of becoming the receiving threat that everyone except for me predicted, has disappeared. Kevin Curtis has gotten open and caught the ball, but has shown none of the explosiveness that was advertised - when he does actually catch the ball, he either gets caught from behind by a 340 pound lineman, or thrown around like a rag doll by any other defender or child that happens to run into him.
Special Teams - They might have won the Packers game but for the two fumbled punts. There were probably 3 or 4 people on my high school team who would have done a better job catching punts than Greg Lewis did. To replace him, the team was forced to bring back Reno Mahe, one of my least favorite Eagles ever, to waste a roster spot and bring his own special brand of incompetence to the punt return team. It is a sorry state of affairs when Reno Mahe represents an improvement over anything.
The commentators - Tony Kornheiser, Ron Jaworski, and Charles Barkley, who were allegedly the TV commentators on Monday Night Football spent about an hour ignoring the game that was occurring on the field to rip into Eagles fans, blaming them for everything bad that has happened since 9/11. Barkley and Jaworski also used it to settle some personal grudges, recalling when the Philadelphia fans "surprisingly" and unjustly turned on them. It's funny, I was probably in middle school at the time, so my memory isn't so great, but I remember the fans turning on Barkley because his skill steadily declined, and because he spent his off the court time either spitting at fans or throwing them through plate glass windows. As for Ron Jaworski, he seems to have forgotten that he was ridden out of town on a rail because Randall Cunningham so thoroughly outplayed him. The little matter of never winning any championships probably didn't help matters either. So sorry we booed you - having all of your athletes continually choke for the 24th straight year has made us a bit testy.
And finally…
Donovan McNabb - McNabb is still hurt. He's limping around the field. He's breathing heavily after the second quarter. He's missing open receivers. He's embroiled in off the field controversy. The fans have turned on him. He has a losing record in games that he's started since the Super Bowl loss.
And yet…
I am not ready to give up on the greatest quarterback in Eagles history. He is a notoriously bad warm weather quarterback. When he's hurt, he's terrible. But the weather will get cooler, and his knee will heal, and one of his receivers is bound to get open sometime. A terrible September will turn into a mediocre October, which will become a hopeful November, which will become a seismic December. And just maybe this year we'll finally get that January miracle.
And that Eagles team from 2003? They won 13 of their next 15 games, and made it all the way to the NFC Championship game…
That Transformers review that got everyone so worked up! (originally posted on July 9, 2007)
I stayed calm when my beloved Eagles decided to butcher the NFL draft last April.
I didn't let it bother me when the Phillies decided to skip the first two months of the baseball season and then moved their ace starter to the bullpen.
I kept my cool when David Chase decided to make me do four hours of research so that I could figure out how the Sopranos ended.
I was finally learning to resist the urge to spit out a thousand words when some pop culture or sporting event impressed or bothered me.
And then I saw the Transformers movie.
First, some perspective. I was 8 years old when the toys and cartoon first came out, and squarely in the crosshairs of the target demographic. I took my responsibility seriously, pestering my parents for every single last Transformers toy, and faithfully developing a stomach ache every Sunday morning so that I could miss church and watch the cartoon instead. (That was a stroke of genius if I may say so; who ever heard of a kid pretending to be sick on a weekend?)
Like any decent and right thinking child, my favorite Transformer was, of course, Optimus Prime. Starscream was always good for comic relief, and I suppose you could find the occasional girl whose favorite was Bumblebee. Then there were those weird kids who liked Megatron the best; they were also the kids who liked to smash bullfrogs with hammers and are all halfway through an 8 year stretch for armed robbery at Graterford prison.
I can remember adults dismissing the cartoon as a half hour toy commercial. Even now, buried deep down in those reviews, I've seen comments referencing the "dreadful" mid 80's cartoon. Admittedly, I watched it through the biased eyes of a child, but I refuse to believe that something that resonated so deeply with my eight year old self to be dismissed so lightly.
So those are my credentials, and here is my review. I'll break this one down, Eagles style….
The good:
- It was a very nice looking movie.
- Optimus Prime was voiced by Peter Cullen, whose voiceover, despite being written by another 8 year old fan, gave me a slight chill.
- Megan Fox, who played Mikaela, is quite the attractive young woman.
- The part where a certain character rends a certain other character limb from limb.
The bad:
- Correct me if I'm wrong, but the movie is called "The Transformers" right? Then why were the Transformers hardly in it? Why did we have to spend an hour on the backstory of the Sam and Mikaela, instead of the actual Transformers? I have plenty of self-indulgent 20 somethings to spend time with, but I don't know all that many 30 foot tall sentient robots from outer space, so forgive me if I'd like for them to have a bit more screen-time.
- Of course, when we finally did meet the Transformers, we found out why they didn't get any screen time. Michael Bay spent so much time designing these mechanical marvels that he forgot to give them a personality. They were big, stiff, stupid interchangeable robots that looked the same and talked the same. The exception was the Decepticons, who were inarticulate monsters who could only shout and fire weapons; essentially, they were robotic King Kongs. Apparently, the ability to transform does not equate to the ability to form a complete sentence or engage in a thought process more complicated than "shoot everything that moves." Then again, we are talking about Michael Bay here; his most successful villain was a giant rock that wasn't even smart enough to crash into anything. We dismiss the cartoon, but those "toy commercials" actually gave their characters a personality! And a sense of humor! And they actually though to use different color paint when they were drawing those animation cells so that you can tell the robots apart.
- The big stiff, stupid robots were better actors that Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox. Then again, John Turturro made up for it with his cartoonish overacting. Please, please, someone convince me that any of them did a good job in this movie.
- The main villain spent most of the movie as a popsicle.
- Optimus Prime had a mouth. Megatron had teeth.
- Product placement. If the cartoon was a toy commercial, this movie was a car commercial.
- Kristen enjoyed it. This is a woman who literally burrowed into her seat during Terminator 3. I'm sorry, but if that woman is calmly enjoying your movie, then you need to dial up the violence, pal.
I had about 6 more bullet points to add to the "bad" section of the ledger, including an excellent point made by my mysterious ninja friend AJ, but I don't want to spoil anything for either of my readers that hasn't seen it yet.
Today, I told 2 people that I didn't like the move. 6 more approached me to ask why I didn't like it. So yes, I know that I'm a lonely voice in the wilderness, but don't worry too much, I've been here before. I spent long hours decrying the execrable Independence Day. And I'm still trying to figure out what was funny about Austin Powers 2. (Here's an idea: Let's write a movie about a time lost hipster from the past where every single joke is based on his inability to adjust to the present. Then, we can make a sequel where we send him back to his own time, and let the hilarity ensue. Then, let's recycle all of the jokes from the first one, just to make sure it's really funny.)
The bottom line is that you probably could have made a live action version of any 4 sequential episodes of the cartoon, and probably had a better product. The X-Men movie took 40 years of mythology, stuffed it through a sausage grinder, and made it into mindless but affecting fun. The Transformers, with a much more manageable backstory was distilled into something unrecognizable: a heartwarming tale about "a boy and his car." Ugh. They had a chance to do something different, to take the interation between CGI and live action to a whole other level - they could have made them come alive, and turn them into characters that were compelling and powerful. Instead, they took the easy way out, and made the same summer film that we've seen over and over again.
I didn't let it bother me when the Phillies decided to skip the first two months of the baseball season and then moved their ace starter to the bullpen.
I kept my cool when David Chase decided to make me do four hours of research so that I could figure out how the Sopranos ended.
I was finally learning to resist the urge to spit out a thousand words when some pop culture or sporting event impressed or bothered me.
And then I saw the Transformers movie.
First, some perspective. I was 8 years old when the toys and cartoon first came out, and squarely in the crosshairs of the target demographic. I took my responsibility seriously, pestering my parents for every single last Transformers toy, and faithfully developing a stomach ache every Sunday morning so that I could miss church and watch the cartoon instead. (That was a stroke of genius if I may say so; who ever heard of a kid pretending to be sick on a weekend?)
Like any decent and right thinking child, my favorite Transformer was, of course, Optimus Prime. Starscream was always good for comic relief, and I suppose you could find the occasional girl whose favorite was Bumblebee. Then there were those weird kids who liked Megatron the best; they were also the kids who liked to smash bullfrogs with hammers and are all halfway through an 8 year stretch for armed robbery at Graterford prison.
I can remember adults dismissing the cartoon as a half hour toy commercial. Even now, buried deep down in those reviews, I've seen comments referencing the "dreadful" mid 80's cartoon. Admittedly, I watched it through the biased eyes of a child, but I refuse to believe that something that resonated so deeply with my eight year old self to be dismissed so lightly.
So those are my credentials, and here is my review. I'll break this one down, Eagles style….
The good:
- It was a very nice looking movie.
- Optimus Prime was voiced by Peter Cullen, whose voiceover, despite being written by another 8 year old fan, gave me a slight chill.
- Megan Fox, who played Mikaela, is quite the attractive young woman.
- The part where a certain character rends a certain other character limb from limb.
The bad:
- Correct me if I'm wrong, but the movie is called "The Transformers" right? Then why were the Transformers hardly in it? Why did we have to spend an hour on the backstory of the Sam and Mikaela, instead of the actual Transformers? I have plenty of self-indulgent 20 somethings to spend time with, but I don't know all that many 30 foot tall sentient robots from outer space, so forgive me if I'd like for them to have a bit more screen-time.
- Of course, when we finally did meet the Transformers, we found out why they didn't get any screen time. Michael Bay spent so much time designing these mechanical marvels that he forgot to give them a personality. They were big, stiff, stupid interchangeable robots that looked the same and talked the same. The exception was the Decepticons, who were inarticulate monsters who could only shout and fire weapons; essentially, they were robotic King Kongs. Apparently, the ability to transform does not equate to the ability to form a complete sentence or engage in a thought process more complicated than "shoot everything that moves." Then again, we are talking about Michael Bay here; his most successful villain was a giant rock that wasn't even smart enough to crash into anything. We dismiss the cartoon, but those "toy commercials" actually gave their characters a personality! And a sense of humor! And they actually though to use different color paint when they were drawing those animation cells so that you can tell the robots apart.
- The big stiff, stupid robots were better actors that Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox. Then again, John Turturro made up for it with his cartoonish overacting. Please, please, someone convince me that any of them did a good job in this movie.
- The main villain spent most of the movie as a popsicle.
- Optimus Prime had a mouth. Megatron had teeth.
- Product placement. If the cartoon was a toy commercial, this movie was a car commercial.
- Kristen enjoyed it. This is a woman who literally burrowed into her seat during Terminator 3. I'm sorry, but if that woman is calmly enjoying your movie, then you need to dial up the violence, pal.
I had about 6 more bullet points to add to the "bad" section of the ledger, including an excellent point made by my mysterious ninja friend AJ, but I don't want to spoil anything for either of my readers that hasn't seen it yet.
Today, I told 2 people that I didn't like the move. 6 more approached me to ask why I didn't like it. So yes, I know that I'm a lonely voice in the wilderness, but don't worry too much, I've been here before. I spent long hours decrying the execrable Independence Day. And I'm still trying to figure out what was funny about Austin Powers 2. (Here's an idea: Let's write a movie about a time lost hipster from the past where every single joke is based on his inability to adjust to the present. Then, we can make a sequel where we send him back to his own time, and let the hilarity ensue. Then, let's recycle all of the jokes from the first one, just to make sure it's really funny.)
The bottom line is that you probably could have made a live action version of any 4 sequential episodes of the cartoon, and probably had a better product. The X-Men movie took 40 years of mythology, stuffed it through a sausage grinder, and made it into mindless but affecting fun. The Transformers, with a much more manageable backstory was distilled into something unrecognizable: a heartwarming tale about "a boy and his car." Ugh. They had a chance to do something different, to take the interation between CGI and live action to a whole other level - they could have made them come alive, and turn them into characters that were compelling and powerful. Instead, they took the easy way out, and made the same summer film that we've seen over and over again.
Woke Up This Morning (originally posted on April 7, 2007)
On Sunday, the final season of the Sopranos (and the countdown to the permanent cancellation of my HBO subscription) will begin. At one point, when the show was at its most popular, I couldn't get through 10 minutes of that next Monday without being immersed in a heated discussion about the show. And woe be unto him who had the misfortune of missing the previous night's show; they would be doomed to a day of isolation, unable to contribute anything to the group-think discourse.
But now…is the buzz really still there? Speaking to a few of my friends this week, most seemed to be only vaguely aware of the show and its return. Why is this? (I'll set aside the obvious conclusion that many of these people have healthy and balanced lives that do not revolve around television.) A popular notion is the show simply stopped being good, which is an idea that I strongly disagree with. Another theory is that David Chase, the creator, planned for the series to last 4 seasons, which makes more sense. The first two seasons (and underrated but still exceptional 5th season) seemed to have an air of significance and immediacy, whereas, at least in relation to character development, the 3rd, 4th, and 6th seasons seemed to be almost killing time. After the second season, the show became increasingly cerebral, with many of the significant effects that affected the characters occurred inside the characters heads. The two year delays between seasons didn't help, but the real sin of the show, according to the vox populii, was that it just got too boring. And at the time, I wholeheartedly agreed.
Fortunately, I am alive at a time and a place that allows me to experience one of the great cultural achievements in the history of mankind - the release of television series on DVD. And so, I have discovered upon re-watching the shows, even the 3rd and 4th seasons, that they are much, much, much better that I thought at the time. But why?
Part of the great appeal of watching the show each week is that sense of tension, as the viewer is wondering who is going to die from week to week. And in the first 2 seasons, the creators obliged, killing off Jackie Aprile, Mikey Palmice, Richie Aprile, Vin Makazian, and Big Pussy Bompansero, among others. But as season 3 wore on, people just stopped dying, and that sense of tension would become a sense of annoyance; the Sopranos became the show where nothing ever happened. (Although such a prodigious rate of killing would have left the show without any more characters by now.)
But upon any subsequent re-watching of an episode, that sense of tension is removed from the equation. When you already know what is going to happen, when that urgency is removed, it becomes much easier to appreciate the show on its merits. And on its merits alone, the show is outstanding. Through the prism of psychoanalysis, and against a backdrop of ever threatening violence, each episode is a metaphor for so many different issues - all of which are obscured by that ever pervading sense of dramatic tension.
My one criticism of the show is its recent lack of credible villains. (Although in a show about criminals, can there really be a true antagonist?) The first season brought us Junior and Livia Soprano, Tony's uncle and mother. While both were fearsome in their "under the radar" fashion, both were effectively neutralized by the end of the season. And Junior was such a lovable villain - could we really fear such a man who made us laugh so much?
The second season brought us the brilliance that was Richie Aprile. Now that was a villain; With his cruelly funny one liners, and his dead mans stare, Richie was a fearsome figure. Prone to irrationality and violence at virtually any moment, virtually every moment that he occupied the screen was compelling. Killing him so early, while it was an "event" left a vacuum that just hasn't been filled.
Before I stop, I'll leave you with my three favorite episodes:
"College," from season 1 - The plot is very simple: Tony takes his daughter Meadow to visit colleges in New England. During the trip, Tony sees a former colleague turned federal witness, stalks him, and kills him. I am not all that far removed from taking those college trips with my parents, and the show did an amazing job of conveying the strange mixture of feelings brought up by those trips - that mix of the anticipation of a new experience, nervousness about what could happen, and that first tantalizing taste of the life changing experience that college will become. I don't think my parents ever actually murdered anyone on those trips, but I really wouldn't put it past them.
"Commendatori" from season 2 - Again, a very simple plot: Tony, along with his associates Christopher and Paulie Walnuts, fly to Italy to arrange a scheme to export stolen cars. This episode had a very Godfather-like feel to it; aside from being filmed in Italy, there is a hilarious scene in the beginning involving some bootleg DVD's of the Godfather movie. One other Godfather note - the actor who played Don Tomansino in the Godfather Part III (the elderly don in a wheelchair who protected Michael Corleone during his trip to Sicily) appears in this episode as… an elderly don in a wheelchair who is obsessed with American street names, gleefully shouting "May-jor Deeeee-Gan Espressway!" A funny and beautifully shot episode that shows much more that it tells.
"The Test Dream" from season 5 - This is one of the most polarizing episodes of the series, as people either loved it or hated it. In this episode, Tony has a nightmare. The nightmare lasts for about two thirds of the hour long episode, perhaps the ultimate example of a show where nothing really happens, except in the mind of the character. What could have been a disaster of epic proportions instead works perfectly. Tony bounces from scene to scene, encountering virtually every character from the first 5 seasons, whether alive or dead, and the result is a sprawling snapshot of his inner thoughts, feelings, desires and fears. Think of it as the Sopranos by T.S. Eliot.
The final season of an epic….how will it end?
But now…is the buzz really still there? Speaking to a few of my friends this week, most seemed to be only vaguely aware of the show and its return. Why is this? (I'll set aside the obvious conclusion that many of these people have healthy and balanced lives that do not revolve around television.) A popular notion is the show simply stopped being good, which is an idea that I strongly disagree with. Another theory is that David Chase, the creator, planned for the series to last 4 seasons, which makes more sense. The first two seasons (and underrated but still exceptional 5th season) seemed to have an air of significance and immediacy, whereas, at least in relation to character development, the 3rd, 4th, and 6th seasons seemed to be almost killing time. After the second season, the show became increasingly cerebral, with many of the significant effects that affected the characters occurred inside the characters heads. The two year delays between seasons didn't help, but the real sin of the show, according to the vox populii, was that it just got too boring. And at the time, I wholeheartedly agreed.
Fortunately, I am alive at a time and a place that allows me to experience one of the great cultural achievements in the history of mankind - the release of television series on DVD. And so, I have discovered upon re-watching the shows, even the 3rd and 4th seasons, that they are much, much, much better that I thought at the time. But why?
Part of the great appeal of watching the show each week is that sense of tension, as the viewer is wondering who is going to die from week to week. And in the first 2 seasons, the creators obliged, killing off Jackie Aprile, Mikey Palmice, Richie Aprile, Vin Makazian, and Big Pussy Bompansero, among others. But as season 3 wore on, people just stopped dying, and that sense of tension would become a sense of annoyance; the Sopranos became the show where nothing ever happened. (Although such a prodigious rate of killing would have left the show without any more characters by now.)
But upon any subsequent re-watching of an episode, that sense of tension is removed from the equation. When you already know what is going to happen, when that urgency is removed, it becomes much easier to appreciate the show on its merits. And on its merits alone, the show is outstanding. Through the prism of psychoanalysis, and against a backdrop of ever threatening violence, each episode is a metaphor for so many different issues - all of which are obscured by that ever pervading sense of dramatic tension.
My one criticism of the show is its recent lack of credible villains. (Although in a show about criminals, can there really be a true antagonist?) The first season brought us Junior and Livia Soprano, Tony's uncle and mother. While both were fearsome in their "under the radar" fashion, both were effectively neutralized by the end of the season. And Junior was such a lovable villain - could we really fear such a man who made us laugh so much?
The second season brought us the brilliance that was Richie Aprile. Now that was a villain; With his cruelly funny one liners, and his dead mans stare, Richie was a fearsome figure. Prone to irrationality and violence at virtually any moment, virtually every moment that he occupied the screen was compelling. Killing him so early, while it was an "event" left a vacuum that just hasn't been filled.
Before I stop, I'll leave you with my three favorite episodes:
"College," from season 1 - The plot is very simple: Tony takes his daughter Meadow to visit colleges in New England. During the trip, Tony sees a former colleague turned federal witness, stalks him, and kills him. I am not all that far removed from taking those college trips with my parents, and the show did an amazing job of conveying the strange mixture of feelings brought up by those trips - that mix of the anticipation of a new experience, nervousness about what could happen, and that first tantalizing taste of the life changing experience that college will become. I don't think my parents ever actually murdered anyone on those trips, but I really wouldn't put it past them.
"Commendatori" from season 2 - Again, a very simple plot: Tony, along with his associates Christopher and Paulie Walnuts, fly to Italy to arrange a scheme to export stolen cars. This episode had a very Godfather-like feel to it; aside from being filmed in Italy, there is a hilarious scene in the beginning involving some bootleg DVD's of the Godfather movie. One other Godfather note - the actor who played Don Tomansino in the Godfather Part III (the elderly don in a wheelchair who protected Michael Corleone during his trip to Sicily) appears in this episode as… an elderly don in a wheelchair who is obsessed with American street names, gleefully shouting "May-jor Deeeee-Gan Espressway!" A funny and beautifully shot episode that shows much more that it tells.
"The Test Dream" from season 5 - This is one of the most polarizing episodes of the series, as people either loved it or hated it. In this episode, Tony has a nightmare. The nightmare lasts for about two thirds of the hour long episode, perhaps the ultimate example of a show where nothing really happens, except in the mind of the character. What could have been a disaster of epic proportions instead works perfectly. Tony bounces from scene to scene, encountering virtually every character from the first 5 seasons, whether alive or dead, and the result is a sprawling snapshot of his inner thoughts, feelings, desires and fears. Think of it as the Sopranos by T.S. Eliot.
The final season of an epic….how will it end?
A Case For The Bears (originally posted on February 1, 2007)
The Indianapolis Colts are favored by 7 points over the Chicago Bears in Sunday's Super Bowl. They are also the sentimental favorites of virtually everyone outside of Chicago, New England, and Gainesville. It really is a picture perfect storyline - Peyton Manning, star quarterback, perennial also-ran, media darling, finally wins the big game. And it would be a perfect ending too, except for one thing.
The Bears are going to shock the world on Sunday.
There, I said it!
(I don't necessarily think the Bears will win outright. But it will be an exciting game.)
It's rare in a Super Bowl that I'm not actively rooting against one or both teams, as I'm usually recovering from an Eagles loss in the NFC Championship game. Fortunately, the Eagles lost a week early, this year, giving me an extra week to recover. Consequently , I would be probably be happy if either team won. Although, after writing this blog, I'd be happier if the Bears won, since I am kind of going out on a limb by picking them.
It is hard not to root for Colts. Tony Dungy, by all accounts, is a great person. Marvin Harrison, unlike all of his fellow professional athletes, just shuts up and plays. (And he's a Philly guy.) Peyton Manning is long overdue, and it would be kind of pathetic if, just like Dan Marino, he retired as the NFL's the all-time leading passer without winning a Super Bowl. And if that did happen, would it finally make the NFL rethink its philosophy of drafting rocket arm quarterbacks with the number one pick virtually every year? Because those players put up great stats, but almost never win a championship. Which high profile first round quarterbacks have won championships besides Troy Aikman? You pretty much have to go back to Jim Plunkett and Terry Bradshaw. (And don't you dare bring up John Elway - he was simply a passenger on the machine known as the Terrell Davis train. And I've blocked last year out of my memory, so don't mention Roethlisberger either.)
So while I don't mind if the Colts win, I've always liked the Bears too - that 1985 group will always stand out as a mythical team to me; they won the Super Bowl in what was my first season as a true football fan. It was like the rest of the NFL played the Washington Generals to their Harlem Globetrotters. Some of their players, like Jim McMahon and Refrigerator Perry, were like cartoon characters come to life. It's almost a shame that they were my first true exposure to a great football team, as every Super Bowl team since then (with the exception of the '89 49ers, of course) has paled in comparison. But that's a whole other blog.
Let's see, so far, I've praised the '85 Bears and the Colts. I'm sure that Lorenzo and Jessie will be on their way to firebomb my house within minutes of this blog posting.
Here's why I think the Bears will win:
Beware the 13-3 underdog: The Bears finished the regular season 13-3. The Colts finished at 12-4. Yes, the Bears played in a weaker division, and a weaker conference. But it's still 13 and freaking 3, people! Also, the Colts division, the AFC South, isn't exactly the greatest collection of talent. For all of the hype about the competitiveness of the division, none of them besides the Colts had a winning record; this wasn't through any fault of the Colts, who helpfully managed to lose to each of its division rivals once.
Road Warriors: The Bears were 7-1 on the road. The Colts were 4-4 away from the confines of
the Hoosier Dome. Does a neutral site count as an away game?
The Texan factor: The Colts lost to the Houston Texans. How in the hell does a Super Bowl champion do that?!?
Quarterbacks: Peyton Manning is vastly superior to Rex Grossman. Peyton Manning with an injured thumb is vastly superior to Rex Grossman. Peyton Manning with both of his hands cut off at the wrist and running around frantically looking for a tourniquet to stop the bleeding is vastly superior to Rex Grossman. But here's the rub - the Bears don't win because of Rex Grossman. Much of the time, they win despite Rex Grossman. They win because of defense and special teams. Whatever Rex Grossman contributes is icing on the cake - they beat the Saints going away in the NFC Championship game with Grossman contributing only 11 completions. As long as Grossman doesn't actively contribute to the loss by throwing interceptions (admittedly a big if), the defense and special teams will make the big plays needed to keep things interesting.
Stopping the run: Before the postseason started, the Colts were historically bad at stopping the run. Then, when the postseason started, they morphed into the Steel Curtain defense - teams were afraid to run against them….but were they really? No opposing player had more than 13 carries against the Colts for the entire post season. The Colts shut down the Chiefs rushing attack so convincingly that the Chiefs were afraid to run against them for the rest of the game. The Pats and Ravens may have taken the hint, making only half hearted attempts to run the ball. Based on one overpowering half of football against a woefully unprepared team, the Colts may have tricked the Ravens and the Pats into changing their game plans, making them ignore the common sense approach of grinding it out on the ground in favor of shifting to a more pass oriented offensive approach. Neither team really even tried to run against the Colts, whether it was due to fear, or arrogance, or simple bad luck. The Bears, however, do not have this option - they will be forced to run the ball whether they want to or not, and barring an act of utter insanity by the Bears coaching staff, run they will. More than anything, the game depends on the ability of the Bears to run the ball - if the Colts stop them, the Bears will lose.
There you have it. Hopefully the Bears will reward my confidence in them and actually pull this one off, so I can actually keep some semblance of credibility.
The Bears are going to shock the world on Sunday.
There, I said it!
(I don't necessarily think the Bears will win outright. But it will be an exciting game.)
It's rare in a Super Bowl that I'm not actively rooting against one or both teams, as I'm usually recovering from an Eagles loss in the NFC Championship game. Fortunately, the Eagles lost a week early, this year, giving me an extra week to recover. Consequently , I would be probably be happy if either team won. Although, after writing this blog, I'd be happier if the Bears won, since I am kind of going out on a limb by picking them.
It is hard not to root for Colts. Tony Dungy, by all accounts, is a great person. Marvin Harrison, unlike all of his fellow professional athletes, just shuts up and plays. (And he's a Philly guy.) Peyton Manning is long overdue, and it would be kind of pathetic if, just like Dan Marino, he retired as the NFL's the all-time leading passer without winning a Super Bowl. And if that did happen, would it finally make the NFL rethink its philosophy of drafting rocket arm quarterbacks with the number one pick virtually every year? Because those players put up great stats, but almost never win a championship. Which high profile first round quarterbacks have won championships besides Troy Aikman? You pretty much have to go back to Jim Plunkett and Terry Bradshaw. (And don't you dare bring up John Elway - he was simply a passenger on the machine known as the Terrell Davis train. And I've blocked last year out of my memory, so don't mention Roethlisberger either.)
So while I don't mind if the Colts win, I've always liked the Bears too - that 1985 group will always stand out as a mythical team to me; they won the Super Bowl in what was my first season as a true football fan. It was like the rest of the NFL played the Washington Generals to their Harlem Globetrotters. Some of their players, like Jim McMahon and Refrigerator Perry, were like cartoon characters come to life. It's almost a shame that they were my first true exposure to a great football team, as every Super Bowl team since then (with the exception of the '89 49ers, of course) has paled in comparison. But that's a whole other blog.
Let's see, so far, I've praised the '85 Bears and the Colts. I'm sure that Lorenzo and Jessie will be on their way to firebomb my house within minutes of this blog posting.
Here's why I think the Bears will win:
Beware the 13-3 underdog: The Bears finished the regular season 13-3. The Colts finished at 12-4. Yes, the Bears played in a weaker division, and a weaker conference. But it's still 13 and freaking 3, people! Also, the Colts division, the AFC South, isn't exactly the greatest collection of talent. For all of the hype about the competitiveness of the division, none of them besides the Colts had a winning record; this wasn't through any fault of the Colts, who helpfully managed to lose to each of its division rivals once.
Road Warriors: The Bears were 7-1 on the road. The Colts were 4-4 away from the confines of
the Hoosier Dome. Does a neutral site count as an away game?
The Texan factor: The Colts lost to the Houston Texans. How in the hell does a Super Bowl champion do that?!?
Quarterbacks: Peyton Manning is vastly superior to Rex Grossman. Peyton Manning with an injured thumb is vastly superior to Rex Grossman. Peyton Manning with both of his hands cut off at the wrist and running around frantically looking for a tourniquet to stop the bleeding is vastly superior to Rex Grossman. But here's the rub - the Bears don't win because of Rex Grossman. Much of the time, they win despite Rex Grossman. They win because of defense and special teams. Whatever Rex Grossman contributes is icing on the cake - they beat the Saints going away in the NFC Championship game with Grossman contributing only 11 completions. As long as Grossman doesn't actively contribute to the loss by throwing interceptions (admittedly a big if), the defense and special teams will make the big plays needed to keep things interesting.
Stopping the run: Before the postseason started, the Colts were historically bad at stopping the run. Then, when the postseason started, they morphed into the Steel Curtain defense - teams were afraid to run against them….but were they really? No opposing player had more than 13 carries against the Colts for the entire post season. The Colts shut down the Chiefs rushing attack so convincingly that the Chiefs were afraid to run against them for the rest of the game. The Pats and Ravens may have taken the hint, making only half hearted attempts to run the ball. Based on one overpowering half of football against a woefully unprepared team, the Colts may have tricked the Ravens and the Pats into changing their game plans, making them ignore the common sense approach of grinding it out on the ground in favor of shifting to a more pass oriented offensive approach. Neither team really even tried to run against the Colts, whether it was due to fear, or arrogance, or simple bad luck. The Bears, however, do not have this option - they will be forced to run the ball whether they want to or not, and barring an act of utter insanity by the Bears coaching staff, run they will. More than anything, the game depends on the ability of the Bears to run the ball - if the Colts stop them, the Bears will lose.
There you have it. Hopefully the Bears will reward my confidence in them and actually pull this one off, so I can actually keep some semblance of credibility.
When the Saints Lost, It Made Me Happy. (originally posted on January 30, 2007)
For those of you who don't know, I have a bit of the vengefulness in me. So when the Saints won against the Eagles two weeks ago, I did not join the rest of my countrymen in jumping on to the New Orleans bandwagon. Instead, I summoned up all of the ill-will that my 5'7 frame could muster, and directed it squarely against "America's Team." And lo and behold, in a hostile environment, without the aid of their beloved referees, and without the help of that awful blonde woman and her obscenity laden shirt, the Saints were blown out, plain and simple; exposed as frauds by a team that didn't even have the common decency to bring a real quarterback to the game.
Let's face it, the Saints going to the Super Bowl would have been unjust. They won several games because that simply not officiated fairly. This is a competitive sport above all else, and who wins or loses must depend solely on what happens on the field, and not on the circumstances surrounding a particular team. Otherwise, the entire sport is placed in jeopardy, and even serious fans like me are forced to question the emotional investment that we place in these teams, and this league. The NFL walked a very dangerous line this season, allowing the media and popular sentiment to put the credibility of the outcome of some of its games into question, and it should have done a better job of ensuring that there was NO room for anyone to question the events on the field. If the casual fan needs to suspend their disbelief to watch one of its games, then the league leaves the realm of professional sports, and becomes akin to the make believe world of professional wrestling.
And before this sounds like too much like sour grapes, I will give the Bears all the credit in the world. They were able to overcome still more questionable officiating to beat the Saints, which is something the Eagles simply were not talented or well coached enough to do. Had the Eagles somehow beaten the Saints to play in the NFC Championship, the Bears would have run roughshod over them. Congratulations to the Bears for fighting the good fight.
Without further ado, my final good / bad of the season. The good:
Donte Stallworth - he ignited the moribund Eagles offense with his 75 yard touchdown reception in the second quarter, turning the tide in a game that had been dominated by the Saints to that point.
Brian Westbrook the running back - his 62 yard TD run in the third quarter was the Eagles other big play of the night, and gave the Eagles some breathing room, which they promptly squandered. Overall, he finished with 13 carries for 116 yards. I wonder how well he would have done with more carries….
The bad:
Andy Reid - Andy Reid usually reserves his worst coaching for the NFC Championship game, so it was a surprise to see him choke a week earlier than usual. Let's see if I can tally everything up? There was the decision to punt the ball with less than 2 minutes remaining. There was the fact that Brian Westbrook only had 13 carries, even though the defense desperately needed a running attack to take some time off the clock in the second half. There was his decision to throw a pass on third and less than 1 on the New Orleans 6 that ended up LOSING 2 yards. There was the decision to throw that pass to Thomas Tapeh, the Eagles fullback, who is on his very best day the EIGHTH best receiver on the team. Why is he such an enigma? How can he do such masterful coaching jobs to put his teams into this position year after year after year, only to fare so badly in the final stanza?
Brian Westbrook the receiver - if Westbrook catches 1 or 2 of those passes that he dropped, the Eagles win the game.
Scott Young - He's lucky that Andy Reid coached such a bad game, or he would be remembered as the goat for committing that false start penalty that negated an Eagles first down on their final drive. Fortunately, there are people like me around, who will remember stupid plays like that for the rest of our lives.
Dick Stockton & Daryl Johnston - How is it that Fox is so desperate for announcers that these two morons are considered to be the number two announcing team? They missed several calls, and seemed oblivious to the action on the field. It was a horrible all-around television production, highlighted by such inept announcing.. Just think, it wasn't so long ago that we had Madden and Summerall announcing the NFC Playoff games for us. Now look how far we've sunk.
The referees - see above.
Thank you for indulging me one final Eagles rant. I promise to return to topics that are actually relevant next time. Heck, I might even talk about the teams that are actually playing in the Super Bowl!! Or I might talk about how the Eagles drafts in the mid seventies affected their team in the late seventies. Or I might discuss the relationship between objectivism and capitalism as shown by the works of Ayn Rand. It's really kind of a crapshoot at this point.
Let's face it, the Saints going to the Super Bowl would have been unjust. They won several games because that simply not officiated fairly. This is a competitive sport above all else, and who wins or loses must depend solely on what happens on the field, and not on the circumstances surrounding a particular team. Otherwise, the entire sport is placed in jeopardy, and even serious fans like me are forced to question the emotional investment that we place in these teams, and this league. The NFL walked a very dangerous line this season, allowing the media and popular sentiment to put the credibility of the outcome of some of its games into question, and it should have done a better job of ensuring that there was NO room for anyone to question the events on the field. If the casual fan needs to suspend their disbelief to watch one of its games, then the league leaves the realm of professional sports, and becomes akin to the make believe world of professional wrestling.
And before this sounds like too much like sour grapes, I will give the Bears all the credit in the world. They were able to overcome still more questionable officiating to beat the Saints, which is something the Eagles simply were not talented or well coached enough to do. Had the Eagles somehow beaten the Saints to play in the NFC Championship, the Bears would have run roughshod over them. Congratulations to the Bears for fighting the good fight.
Without further ado, my final good / bad of the season. The good:
Donte Stallworth - he ignited the moribund Eagles offense with his 75 yard touchdown reception in the second quarter, turning the tide in a game that had been dominated by the Saints to that point.
Brian Westbrook the running back - his 62 yard TD run in the third quarter was the Eagles other big play of the night, and gave the Eagles some breathing room, which they promptly squandered. Overall, he finished with 13 carries for 116 yards. I wonder how well he would have done with more carries….
The bad:
Andy Reid - Andy Reid usually reserves his worst coaching for the NFC Championship game, so it was a surprise to see him choke a week earlier than usual. Let's see if I can tally everything up? There was the decision to punt the ball with less than 2 minutes remaining. There was the fact that Brian Westbrook only had 13 carries, even though the defense desperately needed a running attack to take some time off the clock in the second half. There was his decision to throw a pass on third and less than 1 on the New Orleans 6 that ended up LOSING 2 yards. There was the decision to throw that pass to Thomas Tapeh, the Eagles fullback, who is on his very best day the EIGHTH best receiver on the team. Why is he such an enigma? How can he do such masterful coaching jobs to put his teams into this position year after year after year, only to fare so badly in the final stanza?
Brian Westbrook the receiver - if Westbrook catches 1 or 2 of those passes that he dropped, the Eagles win the game.
Scott Young - He's lucky that Andy Reid coached such a bad game, or he would be remembered as the goat for committing that false start penalty that negated an Eagles first down on their final drive. Fortunately, there are people like me around, who will remember stupid plays like that for the rest of our lives.
Dick Stockton & Daryl Johnston - How is it that Fox is so desperate for announcers that these two morons are considered to be the number two announcing team? They missed several calls, and seemed oblivious to the action on the field. It was a horrible all-around television production, highlighted by such inept announcing.. Just think, it wasn't so long ago that we had Madden and Summerall announcing the NFC Playoff games for us. Now look how far we've sunk.
The referees - see above.
Thank you for indulging me one final Eagles rant. I promise to return to topics that are actually relevant next time. Heck, I might even talk about the teams that are actually playing in the Super Bowl!! Or I might talk about how the Eagles drafts in the mid seventies affected their team in the late seventies. Or I might discuss the relationship between objectivism and capitalism as shown by the works of Ayn Rand. It's really kind of a crapshoot at this point.
The Eagles versus America! (originally posted on January 10, 2007)
When does a win not feel like a win? If you're an Eagles fan during the NFL Playoffs, of course. The Eagles beat a very tough Giants team on Sunday, earning the right to go to New Orleans, and to assume the role of the latest villain in the Saints storybook quest to reach the Super Bowl for the first time ever. Out of the frying pan, and into the Superdome. Last week, the Eagles were a feel-good underdog story, now they are simply yet another speed bump for this year's "team of destiny."
Of course, even getting to this point was a minor miracle, especially after their 5 - 6 start. Last Sunday's game had all the makings of tight contest, and certainly did not disappoint. The Giants, seemingly dead and buried, had begun a mini resurgence the week before in their playoff clinching win against the Redskins and were much closer to the warriors that had beaten the Eagles in week 2 than the dysfunctional team that had imploded right before our eyes in week 15. Record, situation, location - none of these matter; an Eagles - Giants game is ALWAYS a war.
The good:
Brian Westbrook - Quite simply, he took the Eagles offense and placed it squarely on his back. His 49 yard touchdown run woke up the offense, and he was able to gain chunks of yardage consistently for the rest of the game. He even ran back a punt return for a touchdown , which would have truly put the game out of reach had it not been called back by a holding penalty. (I'm not a huge fan of the Westbrook as punt returner strategy; I know it's the playoffs, and they need to pull out all the stops, but any strategy that calls for the team's best player to be standing still, waiting to catch a high punt while 11 opposition players are taking a 30 yard running head start at him needs to be rethought.)
Reggie Brown - an oft repeated play on Sunday: Jeff Garcia throws a difficult pass to Reggie Brown at the sideline. Reggie Brown, with nowhere to go, gets crushed by multiple defenders. Reggie Brown holds onto the ball. While he didn't have an explosive day, he caught a number of critical (and poorly thrown) passes, taking tough hits and allowing the Eagles to extend their possessions. The Eagles need a possession guy? Throw it to Brown. The Eagles need a deep threat? Throw it to Brown. He is quickly progressing from complementary player to offensive focal point.
Koy Detmer - As long as he's not actually on the field playing quarterback, it's always good to have the Koy Wonder hanging around.
The bad:
Jon Runyan - Why, why, why did he have to take that cheap shot? He very nearly got ejected, and his absence for most of the game would have been the difference between an win or loss. And now the officials will be keeping an even closer eye on him this week - never a good development for one of the NFL's dirtiest players. I'd say the over under for holding calls on Runyan will be three, unless he gets ejected in the first quarter for blocking someone. (see below.)
The loss of Lito Sheppard - (also see below.)
This week:
The Eagles have overcome a great deal of adversity during their improbable 6 game winning streak. But this week, the deck is truly stacked against them, and the dealer is not be playing fair. Consider this:
The Eagles have lost Lito Sheppard for this game, and likely for whatever season remain to them. Sheppard had an interception in their previous encounter with the Saints and has had a penchant for miracle game saving interceptions this year. Conversely, Drew Brees led what was arguably the NFL's best passing attack over the past year. He threw for 510 yards against the Bengals, which is about 60 short of the all time NFL record for passing yardage in a game. Already notoriously vulnerable to the run, the Sheppard's injury makes the Eagles even more susceptible to the pass as well. Roderick Hood and Williams James must play well in relief.
The short week. The Eagles, having played on Sunday, are faced with a short week, the only team of the eight remaining playoff teams to go into their next game with less than 7 days of rest. Furthermore, the Saints had a bye week, and were able to rest their players in the final regular season game. In effect, the Saints will have rested their key players for 21 days, and have not played a meaningful game since their 30-7 win over the Giants on Christmas Eve.
There is absolutely no reason that the NFL could not have scheduled the Bears / Seahawks game for Saturday; the Bears, of course, had a bye week, and the Seahawks had played on the previous Saturday, which meant that they would have received their full seven days of rest. Then again, this is the same mindset that forced the Eagles to play three divisional road games in December - the only time a team has EVER had to do that.
Then, there is the New Orleans factor. The Saints have become America's team. And in the NFL, when a team does become America's team, "karma" takes over. And sometimes that karma takes the form of phantom holding calls, or mysterious pass interference calls, or even botched replays.
And in case that was too subtle, what I really mean is that the Eagles will get jobbed by the officials, just like their first game against the Saints, and just like practically every single other team that has gone to New Orleans this year. Listen, NFL - Saints have proven themselves to be a great team; they don't need your help to win games.
With the exception of the Super Bowl against the Patriots, this is the first time the Eagles have been postseason underdogs since 2001. Being labeled as post season favorites for so many years led to the Eagles arrogance and complacency, as evidenced by their three straight NFC Championship game losses. Now, they are exhausted and beaten up, and suffering under the weight of a decade of missed opportunities and failed expectations. That arrogance and complacency has long since been replaced by an air of frantic desperation. And that desperation may be the only real chance this team has in New Orleans.
Of course, even getting to this point was a minor miracle, especially after their 5 - 6 start. Last Sunday's game had all the makings of tight contest, and certainly did not disappoint. The Giants, seemingly dead and buried, had begun a mini resurgence the week before in their playoff clinching win against the Redskins and were much closer to the warriors that had beaten the Eagles in week 2 than the dysfunctional team that had imploded right before our eyes in week 15. Record, situation, location - none of these matter; an Eagles - Giants game is ALWAYS a war.
The good:
Brian Westbrook - Quite simply, he took the Eagles offense and placed it squarely on his back. His 49 yard touchdown run woke up the offense, and he was able to gain chunks of yardage consistently for the rest of the game. He even ran back a punt return for a touchdown , which would have truly put the game out of reach had it not been called back by a holding penalty. (I'm not a huge fan of the Westbrook as punt returner strategy; I know it's the playoffs, and they need to pull out all the stops, but any strategy that calls for the team's best player to be standing still, waiting to catch a high punt while 11 opposition players are taking a 30 yard running head start at him needs to be rethought.)
Reggie Brown - an oft repeated play on Sunday: Jeff Garcia throws a difficult pass to Reggie Brown at the sideline. Reggie Brown, with nowhere to go, gets crushed by multiple defenders. Reggie Brown holds onto the ball. While he didn't have an explosive day, he caught a number of critical (and poorly thrown) passes, taking tough hits and allowing the Eagles to extend their possessions. The Eagles need a possession guy? Throw it to Brown. The Eagles need a deep threat? Throw it to Brown. He is quickly progressing from complementary player to offensive focal point.
Koy Detmer - As long as he's not actually on the field playing quarterback, it's always good to have the Koy Wonder hanging around.
The bad:
Jon Runyan - Why, why, why did he have to take that cheap shot? He very nearly got ejected, and his absence for most of the game would have been the difference between an win or loss. And now the officials will be keeping an even closer eye on him this week - never a good development for one of the NFL's dirtiest players. I'd say the over under for holding calls on Runyan will be three, unless he gets ejected in the first quarter for blocking someone. (see below.)
The loss of Lito Sheppard - (also see below.)
This week:
The Eagles have overcome a great deal of adversity during their improbable 6 game winning streak. But this week, the deck is truly stacked against them, and the dealer is not be playing fair. Consider this:
The Eagles have lost Lito Sheppard for this game, and likely for whatever season remain to them. Sheppard had an interception in their previous encounter with the Saints and has had a penchant for miracle game saving interceptions this year. Conversely, Drew Brees led what was arguably the NFL's best passing attack over the past year. He threw for 510 yards against the Bengals, which is about 60 short of the all time NFL record for passing yardage in a game. Already notoriously vulnerable to the run, the Sheppard's injury makes the Eagles even more susceptible to the pass as well. Roderick Hood and Williams James must play well in relief.
The short week. The Eagles, having played on Sunday, are faced with a short week, the only team of the eight remaining playoff teams to go into their next game with less than 7 days of rest. Furthermore, the Saints had a bye week, and were able to rest their players in the final regular season game. In effect, the Saints will have rested their key players for 21 days, and have not played a meaningful game since their 30-7 win over the Giants on Christmas Eve.
There is absolutely no reason that the NFL could not have scheduled the Bears / Seahawks game for Saturday; the Bears, of course, had a bye week, and the Seahawks had played on the previous Saturday, which meant that they would have received their full seven days of rest. Then again, this is the same mindset that forced the Eagles to play three divisional road games in December - the only time a team has EVER had to do that.
Then, there is the New Orleans factor. The Saints have become America's team. And in the NFL, when a team does become America's team, "karma" takes over. And sometimes that karma takes the form of phantom holding calls, or mysterious pass interference calls, or even botched replays.
And in case that was too subtle, what I really mean is that the Eagles will get jobbed by the officials, just like their first game against the Saints, and just like practically every single other team that has gone to New Orleans this year. Listen, NFL - Saints have proven themselves to be a great team; they don't need your help to win games.
With the exception of the Super Bowl against the Patriots, this is the first time the Eagles have been postseason underdogs since 2001. Being labeled as post season favorites for so many years led to the Eagles arrogance and complacency, as evidenced by their three straight NFC Championship game losses. Now, they are exhausted and beaten up, and suffering under the weight of a decade of missed opportunities and failed expectations. That arrogance and complacency has long since been replaced by an air of frantic desperation. And that desperation may be the only real chance this team has in New Orleans.
The Giants? Why does it always have to be the Giants?!? (originally posted on January 2, 2007)
It was supposed to be a be a bit more difficult. Instead, it was…well, anti-climactic. The Eagles went into their final game needing a win over the Falcons or a loss by the Cowboys (who were playing the hapless Detroit Lions) to reclaim the NFC East division title. A loss by the Cowboys seemed unlikely, as they were playing at home against a terrible team that had much more to gain from a loss (the overall number one pick in next April's NFL Draft) than from a win. The Eagles, on the other hand, were playing against a team still in the playoff hunt. The race for the division title, and the Eagles hopes of a home playoff game, would, in typical Eagles fashion, come down to the final hours of 2006.
Instead, the team caught an actual break. Instead of blowing out the Lions, the Cowboys actually lost, 39-31, rendering the Eagles final game meaningless. Andy Reid wisely chose to rest most of his starters, in effect conceding the game to the Falcons. The Falcons graciously declined Coach Reid's generosity, turning in a spectacularly uninspired performance, allowing the Eagles backups to defeat the Falcons starters 24-17. What ended up as a meaningless game for the Eagles may have far reaching consequences for the Falcons - Jim Mora Jr. was dismissed as their head coach after the game, probably not helped by his team sleepwalking through the game against the Eagles JV squad.
The good:
Andy Reid getting the Eagles starters out of the game as soon as the Cowboys / Lions game was over.
The bad:
Correll Buckhalter's injury early in the game versus the Falcons. As I've mentioned incessantly before, Buckhalter has been providing 8 - 10 solid carries per game as a counter punch to Westbrook coming off the bench. It would be a shame if his comeback ended now, on the cusp of the playoffs.
Next week: The Giants. Why does it always have to be the f----g Giants? Part of me was hoping that, after the week 16 win over the Giants, they would be done for good. The Giants were reeling, Tiki Barber was retiring, and I was hoping the they would be neutralized - at least for this year.
Of course not. The Giants never go away. The Rasputins of the NFL return to torture me yet again. The team that authored the most heartbreaking Eagles loss in recent memory (putting Javon Kearse out of commission in the process) is returning with the potential of providing a very bitter bookend to the 2006-07 Eagles season. What's even better is that the Giants are no longer reeling - spurred on by the aforementioned Tiki Barber's superhuman 234 yard performance, they managed to score 34 points. I'll go out on a limb and say that the Giants offensive slump is over. For what seems like the 145th week in a row, the Eagles are facing a team whose strengths match up perfectly against the Eagles weakness. If the Eagles do somehow beat the Giants next week, I have it on good authority that Emmit Smith and Barry Sanders are coming out of retirement to sign with whoever the Eagles have to play next.
Oh, and before I forget, there's another not-so-promising sign about this week's game for those of us who are superstitious. Rather than tell you, why don't you just take a look at the cover of this week's Sports Illustrated?
One good sign for this week: The Eagles resigned the person who is perhaps my absolute favorite player of the last decade, third string quarterback Koy "The Koy Wonder" Detmer. An Eagles playoff run just wouldn't have seemed complete without the Koy Wonder holding for field goals and extra points, all the while looking like he rolled out of bed just in time for a football game.
So don't be too alarmed if you see anyone prowling the streets of Boston in a Koy Detmer jersey next week. It's just me.
Instead, the team caught an actual break. Instead of blowing out the Lions, the Cowboys actually lost, 39-31, rendering the Eagles final game meaningless. Andy Reid wisely chose to rest most of his starters, in effect conceding the game to the Falcons. The Falcons graciously declined Coach Reid's generosity, turning in a spectacularly uninspired performance, allowing the Eagles backups to defeat the Falcons starters 24-17. What ended up as a meaningless game for the Eagles may have far reaching consequences for the Falcons - Jim Mora Jr. was dismissed as their head coach after the game, probably not helped by his team sleepwalking through the game against the Eagles JV squad.
The good:
Andy Reid getting the Eagles starters out of the game as soon as the Cowboys / Lions game was over.
The bad:
Correll Buckhalter's injury early in the game versus the Falcons. As I've mentioned incessantly before, Buckhalter has been providing 8 - 10 solid carries per game as a counter punch to Westbrook coming off the bench. It would be a shame if his comeback ended now, on the cusp of the playoffs.
Next week: The Giants. Why does it always have to be the f----g Giants? Part of me was hoping that, after the week 16 win over the Giants, they would be done for good. The Giants were reeling, Tiki Barber was retiring, and I was hoping the they would be neutralized - at least for this year.
Of course not. The Giants never go away. The Rasputins of the NFL return to torture me yet again. The team that authored the most heartbreaking Eagles loss in recent memory (putting Javon Kearse out of commission in the process) is returning with the potential of providing a very bitter bookend to the 2006-07 Eagles season. What's even better is that the Giants are no longer reeling - spurred on by the aforementioned Tiki Barber's superhuman 234 yard performance, they managed to score 34 points. I'll go out on a limb and say that the Giants offensive slump is over. For what seems like the 145th week in a row, the Eagles are facing a team whose strengths match up perfectly against the Eagles weakness. If the Eagles do somehow beat the Giants next week, I have it on good authority that Emmit Smith and Barry Sanders are coming out of retirement to sign with whoever the Eagles have to play next.
Oh, and before I forget, there's another not-so-promising sign about this week's game for those of us who are superstitious. Rather than tell you, why don't you just take a look at the cover of this week's Sports Illustrated?
One good sign for this week: The Eagles resigned the person who is perhaps my absolute favorite player of the last decade, third string quarterback Koy "The Koy Wonder" Detmer. An Eagles playoff run just wouldn't have seemed complete without the Koy Wonder holding for field goals and extra points, all the while looking like he rolled out of bed just in time for a football game.
So don't be too alarmed if you see anyone prowling the streets of Boston in a Koy Detmer jersey next week. It's just me.
Winding Down or Winding Up? (orginally posted on December 28, 2006)
On Thanksgiving weekend, Eagles fans throughout the Delaware Valley were being talked down from balconies and ledges. Shoelaces and belts were confiscated, as families and friends knew that the glazed look on our faces was a bit more severe than an extended post Thanksgiving hangover.
On Christmas night, the Eagles returned to the playoffs after a year long absence.
The Eagles played very well. Well enough that, for the first Eagles game in about 17 years, I didn't once lose my temper. Of course, they were playing against a team that had nothing to play for. The Cowboys had clinched a playoff berth the week before, and by the time of the game on Monday night, the Saints had clinched a first round bye and the number two seed in the NFC playoffs. On the other hand, the Eagles had everything to play for.
The good:
Brian Dawkins - a very difficult over the shoulder interception, to end a Cowboys scoring threat.
The Eagles rushing attack - Brian Westbrook is running fast and strong. Correll Buckhalter is contributing 8 - 10 strong carries every game. Even Garcia is picking up key first downs with his feet. Andy Reid must stick with his running game - it keeps the clock running, and the defense well rested and off the field.
The game plan: The Eagles held on to the ball, threw smart passes, kicked high percentage field goals, and played smart. Rather than throwing the ball constantly and trying to win by 40 (and extending the game for an extra 45 minutes), they were satisfied to win by 16 against a good football team.
The bad:
Nothing, although it must be noted that the Cowboys had nothing to play for. A motivated Cowboys team (especially say, in a first round playoff match-up) will be a different matter entirely.
This weekend, the Eagles face the exact same situation as the Cowboys did last weekend. The Eagles, having clinched their playoff berth, are facing a desperate team fighting for its own playoff spot. And the Atlanta Falcons are the very definition of desperate. The team needs a win to clinch a playoff spot. Jim Mora needs a win and a playoff spot to keep his job. Michael Vick needs a win and a playoff spot to ensure that he gets to continue playing quarterback - a new regime could move him into a Kordell Stewart / Crash role. Along with their melodrama, the Falcons bring the best rushing attack in the league - they can out run you, overpower you, and simply wear you down. They come inside, outside, and sideways. And an unmotivated Eagles team could fall into a very serious trap.
On Christmas night, the Eagles returned to the playoffs after a year long absence.
The Eagles played very well. Well enough that, for the first Eagles game in about 17 years, I didn't once lose my temper. Of course, they were playing against a team that had nothing to play for. The Cowboys had clinched a playoff berth the week before, and by the time of the game on Monday night, the Saints had clinched a first round bye and the number two seed in the NFC playoffs. On the other hand, the Eagles had everything to play for.
The good:
Brian Dawkins - a very difficult over the shoulder interception, to end a Cowboys scoring threat.
The Eagles rushing attack - Brian Westbrook is running fast and strong. Correll Buckhalter is contributing 8 - 10 strong carries every game. Even Garcia is picking up key first downs with his feet. Andy Reid must stick with his running game - it keeps the clock running, and the defense well rested and off the field.
The game plan: The Eagles held on to the ball, threw smart passes, kicked high percentage field goals, and played smart. Rather than throwing the ball constantly and trying to win by 40 (and extending the game for an extra 45 minutes), they were satisfied to win by 16 against a good football team.
The bad:
Nothing, although it must be noted that the Cowboys had nothing to play for. A motivated Cowboys team (especially say, in a first round playoff match-up) will be a different matter entirely.
This weekend, the Eagles face the exact same situation as the Cowboys did last weekend. The Eagles, having clinched their playoff berth, are facing a desperate team fighting for its own playoff spot. And the Atlanta Falcons are the very definition of desperate. The team needs a win to clinch a playoff spot. Jim Mora needs a win and a playoff spot to keep his job. Michael Vick needs a win and a playoff spot to ensure that he gets to continue playing quarterback - a new regime could move him into a Kordell Stewart / Crash role. Along with their melodrama, the Falcons bring the best rushing attack in the league - they can out run you, overpower you, and simply wear you down. They come inside, outside, and sideways. And an unmotivated Eagles team could fall into a very serious trap.
Dallas Again, and Again, and Again (originally posted on December 21, 2006)
It's that time of year again. When people like me who are normally incapable of any mathematical calculation beyond ninth grade arithmetic can calculate the NFL playoff tie-breaking procedures down to the seventh or eighth permutation. When football fans start thinking about how one game affects another game, and another game, and another game, and are planning so many moves ahead that our minds are buzzing like Bobby Fischer's times ten.
It's the time of year when Jeff Garcia spiking the ball in the face of Gibril Wilson is enough to send me into an apoplectic rage that still hasn't gone away.
The Eagles beat the Giants on Sunday. It was their third win in a row, but the first game since September that both their effort and execution was passable. They continue to be plagued by stupid mental mistakes, errors that come from foolishness and lack of discipline. The Eagles have been able to overcome those mental mistakes in part because of their character, and in part because the Panthers, Redskins, and Giants have failed to take advantage. Unfortunately, this week, they are playing an equally desperate team, one which will not fail to take advantage of any mistake the Eagles take, and shove such mistakes down their collective throats.
The good:
Brian Dawkins - Yet another superhuman effort. Even my superlatives are failing me.
Correll Buckhalter - 8 carries for 48 yards and a touchdown, easily his best game of the season, and especially gratifying to see after he missed the last 2 years with knee injuries. He was the Eagles running back of the future before injuries and the emergence of Brian Westbrook, and could have easily just walked away. Instead, he has slowly regained his form over the course of the season, and could be a vital part of the Eagles plans down the stretch. He is very quickly becoming one of the emotional centers of this team.
The run defense - Inexplicably, the Eagles have held Tiki Barber, a notorious Eagles-killer and Hall of Fame runner, in check for both games against the Giants, whereas the rest of the NFL has run roughshod over them. Hopefully this is the beginning of a trend, and not a fluke.
Trent Cole & Sheldon Brown - They were the goats of the first Giants game. Trent Cole was the perpetrator of the "alleged" late hit (which I still haven't ever seen - cough it up, NFL, if you actually have it) in the first Giants game that allowed them to drive down the field and kick a field goal to force the game into overtime. Sheldon Brown was burned by Plaxico Burress for the subsequent game winning touchdown. Last week however, they combined on the game clinching touchdown - a blitz by Sheldon Brown forced Eli Manning into an errant throw that landed right in the hands of Trent Cole, who graciously returned it for the final touchdown. Redemption can be sweet.
The bad:
Garcia's spike - The spike, the spike, a thousand times the spike. Continuing the annoying trend that has marred every game this year, an Eagle committed a stupid penalty that almost lost the game for them (or, on 4 occasions, DID lose the game for them.) It was a stupid gesture that almost cost the Eagles their season. Quarterbacks don't do that. Leaders don't do that. Garcia, to his credit, accepted responsibility, and overcame the mistake, leading the team to what was ultimately the game winning touchdown. Still…those penalties are why the Eagles are fighting for their lives instead of fighting for home field advantage. Those penalties are why Javon Kearse and Donovan McNabb are watching next week's game on television. These penalties can cost this team a season, especially when playing against a team that simply does not make those mistakes.
Which brings us to the Cowboys…always bigger, always faster, always better. In the early 90's, two very good Eagles teams were simply overrun by better Cowboys teams. Reggie White's last game as an Eagle was their playoff loss to the Cowboys in 1993, and Randall Cunningham's last game as an Eagle was their playoff loss to the Cowboys in 1996.
The Cowboy-inflicted misery continues even into the twenty first century. In the Eagles Super Bowl year of 2004, it was the Cowboys that marred a dream season when Roy Williams broke Terrell Owens' leg with a horse collar tackle. Would a fully healthy TO have been the difference between the Eagles winning and losing the Super Bowl that year?
Last year, the Eagles were leading the Cowboys comfortably in the fourth quarter, when Terry Glenn caught a long touchdown pass, followed by the very same Roy Williams returning a Donovan McNabb interception for a touchdown to win the game - intentionally running through McNabb on the return, and knocking him out for the year. The Eagles were sent into a tailspin from which they have not yet truly recovered.
And of course, there are the current Cowboys, who are almost custom built to beat the Eagles. Tony Romo is their best quarterback since Troy Aikman. They can claim two confirmed Eagle killers: Terry Glenn (metaphorically) and Roy Williams (all too literally.) Terrell Owens is lurking, still waiting to exact his revenge for a lost season. There are two young runners in Julius Jones and Marion Barber ready to pound the Eagles defense into submission. All of them healthy and desperate. And finally, there is Texas Stadium, that hateful place where dreams and eras go to die, ready to dash the hopes of a city, yet again.
It's the time of year when Jeff Garcia spiking the ball in the face of Gibril Wilson is enough to send me into an apoplectic rage that still hasn't gone away.
The Eagles beat the Giants on Sunday. It was their third win in a row, but the first game since September that both their effort and execution was passable. They continue to be plagued by stupid mental mistakes, errors that come from foolishness and lack of discipline. The Eagles have been able to overcome those mental mistakes in part because of their character, and in part because the Panthers, Redskins, and Giants have failed to take advantage. Unfortunately, this week, they are playing an equally desperate team, one which will not fail to take advantage of any mistake the Eagles take, and shove such mistakes down their collective throats.
The good:
Brian Dawkins - Yet another superhuman effort. Even my superlatives are failing me.
Correll Buckhalter - 8 carries for 48 yards and a touchdown, easily his best game of the season, and especially gratifying to see after he missed the last 2 years with knee injuries. He was the Eagles running back of the future before injuries and the emergence of Brian Westbrook, and could have easily just walked away. Instead, he has slowly regained his form over the course of the season, and could be a vital part of the Eagles plans down the stretch. He is very quickly becoming one of the emotional centers of this team.
The run defense - Inexplicably, the Eagles have held Tiki Barber, a notorious Eagles-killer and Hall of Fame runner, in check for both games against the Giants, whereas the rest of the NFL has run roughshod over them. Hopefully this is the beginning of a trend, and not a fluke.
Trent Cole & Sheldon Brown - They were the goats of the first Giants game. Trent Cole was the perpetrator of the "alleged" late hit (which I still haven't ever seen - cough it up, NFL, if you actually have it) in the first Giants game that allowed them to drive down the field and kick a field goal to force the game into overtime. Sheldon Brown was burned by Plaxico Burress for the subsequent game winning touchdown. Last week however, they combined on the game clinching touchdown - a blitz by Sheldon Brown forced Eli Manning into an errant throw that landed right in the hands of Trent Cole, who graciously returned it for the final touchdown. Redemption can be sweet.
The bad:
Garcia's spike - The spike, the spike, a thousand times the spike. Continuing the annoying trend that has marred every game this year, an Eagle committed a stupid penalty that almost lost the game for them (or, on 4 occasions, DID lose the game for them.) It was a stupid gesture that almost cost the Eagles their season. Quarterbacks don't do that. Leaders don't do that. Garcia, to his credit, accepted responsibility, and overcame the mistake, leading the team to what was ultimately the game winning touchdown. Still…those penalties are why the Eagles are fighting for their lives instead of fighting for home field advantage. Those penalties are why Javon Kearse and Donovan McNabb are watching next week's game on television. These penalties can cost this team a season, especially when playing against a team that simply does not make those mistakes.
Which brings us to the Cowboys…always bigger, always faster, always better. In the early 90's, two very good Eagles teams were simply overrun by better Cowboys teams. Reggie White's last game as an Eagle was their playoff loss to the Cowboys in 1993, and Randall Cunningham's last game as an Eagle was their playoff loss to the Cowboys in 1996.
The Cowboy-inflicted misery continues even into the twenty first century. In the Eagles Super Bowl year of 2004, it was the Cowboys that marred a dream season when Roy Williams broke Terrell Owens' leg with a horse collar tackle. Would a fully healthy TO have been the difference between the Eagles winning and losing the Super Bowl that year?
Last year, the Eagles were leading the Cowboys comfortably in the fourth quarter, when Terry Glenn caught a long touchdown pass, followed by the very same Roy Williams returning a Donovan McNabb interception for a touchdown to win the game - intentionally running through McNabb on the return, and knocking him out for the year. The Eagles were sent into a tailspin from which they have not yet truly recovered.
And of course, there are the current Cowboys, who are almost custom built to beat the Eagles. Tony Romo is their best quarterback since Troy Aikman. They can claim two confirmed Eagle killers: Terry Glenn (metaphorically) and Roy Williams (all too literally.) Terrell Owens is lurking, still waiting to exact his revenge for a lost season. There are two young runners in Julius Jones and Marion Barber ready to pound the Eagles defense into submission. All of them healthy and desperate. And finally, there is Texas Stadium, that hateful place where dreams and eras go to die, ready to dash the hopes of a city, yet again.
If You're Not Watching Friday Night Lights, Then You're a Bad Person. (Originally posted on December 16, 2006)
After a quick poll of my family, friends, and several random strangers, I have discovered that I am the only person in the entire world that is watching Friday Night Lights. And while it is flattering to have the resources of a billion dollar television network entirely at my disposal for a whole hour, in general, networks have not had much recent success catering strictly to the "Justin" demographic.
So my goal here is to convince my legions of readers (both of them) to start tuning into the show, turning the ratings on their ear, and legitimizing me as a media journalist and a cultural icon. Think I can't do it? Might I refer you to my blog from a couple of weeks about a little show called Heroes? Nobody had even heard about it then, and now it's the season's hottest new show. NBC & America, you're welcome.
Why wouldn't you be watching the show? It might be a problem of perception. At first glance, it's a spin off of a movie (which are never good) which in turn was the adaptation of a very depressing 15 year old bestseller about a football team in a small town. A movie, a book, and a tv show about the same characters? It's been done to death, right? Wrong.
The book, by H.G. Bissinger, was a brilliant season long chronicle of the star crossed Perriman high school football team of Odessa Texas. More importantly, it delved into the sociological effects of a football team that dominates the collective imagination of a whole town. On one hand, it serves as a unifier; for three magical hours every Friday night, rivalries, race, and every other imaginable divisive force that plagues this town are set aside. At the same time, it shows how the football team takes already scarce resources from a school system and a town that is woefully in need of money, that the members of the team are above the law, and that anyone who bothers to point out the absurdity of the situation is ignored, if not ostracized. Overall, it was a depressing book, as the ground that the characters tread is paved with past failure and disappointment. The dreams of the players are systematically crushed, and those who achieve any success are few and far between. Those of us who remember the book, and there are many, were probably not looking forward to a heaping scoop of depression every week.
The movie was a faithful representation of the book, except that it focused more on players and the game action than the sociological aspects of the narrative. The distinction is important. The players, no longer tied so closely to Bissinger's theme of "football as obsession" become much more sympathetic and compelling. The television version takes the re-imagining of Bissinger's concept and combines it with some VERY important distinctions…
The show:
First, the setting has changed – instead of 1988, the show is set in the present day. Though the team mascot is still the Panthers, the show no longer takes place in Odessa, Texas, but now takes place in the fictional town of Dylan, Texas.
The pilot episode is centered around the beginning of the school year, and first game of the Panthers new season. Longtime assistant coach Eric Taylor has taken over the Panthers football team, which, thanks to star quarterback Jason Street, is expected to cruise to the Texas state championship. Jason is loved and admired by everyone, including his cheerleader girlfriend, his teammates, and the town as a whole. The big game rolls around, and in typical clichéd football game fashion, the Panthers need to engineer a final, come from behind drive to win the game. Except that Jason Street throws an interception. And then gets hurt trying to make the tackle. Enter his jittery and unknown backup Matt Saracen, who somehow, miraculously, wins the game. Okay, fine, the pilot episode was weak, and the typical "Hollywood" ending may have turned off some viewers who were expecting something different and unique.
But some of us hung in there, and were treated to the extreme left turn taken by the show. As we found out in the second episode, Jason Street was not only knocked out of the game, but his back was broken! The character that was set up to be the star of the show would now be confined to a wheelchair! The dramatic repercussions of this event, and reactions of the characters, have shaped the season to this point.
For me, the first real shock of the season was the relatability of Matt Saracen. He is a likeable awkward teenager, thrust into the role of savior. He is overwhelmed, falters, rights himself, and falters again. The viewer can relate to him, because we were not Hollywood idol superstar quarterbacks like Jason Street, but we were, for the most part, likeable, awkward teenagers too. Unlike every other rags to riches sports clich̩ story, Matt Saracen adjusts to this situation like most of us would Рit is his dream come true, but he knows (and we know) that he just might not be up to the task. Unlike the movie, the medium of episodic television allows us to watch how success, failure, and sudden relative fame affect him over time. We wonder if success will change him, and we watch as he wonders the same thing.
The other shock was Jason Street himself. Even though most of the pilot episode centered around him, after his injury, I half expected his character to be delegated to a lingering subplot. But as we watched his struggles to regain the use of his hands, and his struggles to keep some kind of grasp on the life that he knew, we realize something important: that Jason Street is a very strong character. He is far too formidable to by "only" the quarterback of a high school football team, or even to be the prince of a town that reveres him. From a dramatic standpoint, he needs a challenge that his much more worthy of the force of his personality. The contrast with the other characters is striking; it is apparent that Jason Street will bear his burden more capably than the other characters, even Matt Saracen, will bear theirs.
After reading all of this, you might say, well, that's great Justin, but I just don't like football! Well, my friend, let me tell you a little secret about FNL, which somehow needs to be conveyed to the viewing public:
IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT FOOTBALL!!!
And here's another secret - in the context of the show:
FOOTBALL IS A METAPHOR!!!!
What is it a metaphor of, you may ask? It represents so many different things on this show – overcoming adversity, growth, learning, that a group of individuals can come together for a common goal and be better for it. It is a microcosm of that shared experience that we have all undergone – high school. Somehow, it reminds us of what we were, and how we became what we are now, and perhaps that realization is too painful for some of us.
Watch this show. It's not like I've ever steered you wrong before, have I?
So my goal here is to convince my legions of readers (both of them) to start tuning into the show, turning the ratings on their ear, and legitimizing me as a media journalist and a cultural icon. Think I can't do it? Might I refer you to my blog from a couple of weeks about a little show called Heroes? Nobody had even heard about it then, and now it's the season's hottest new show. NBC & America, you're welcome.
Why wouldn't you be watching the show? It might be a problem of perception. At first glance, it's a spin off of a movie (which are never good) which in turn was the adaptation of a very depressing 15 year old bestseller about a football team in a small town. A movie, a book, and a tv show about the same characters? It's been done to death, right? Wrong.
The book, by H.G. Bissinger, was a brilliant season long chronicle of the star crossed Perriman high school football team of Odessa Texas. More importantly, it delved into the sociological effects of a football team that dominates the collective imagination of a whole town. On one hand, it serves as a unifier; for three magical hours every Friday night, rivalries, race, and every other imaginable divisive force that plagues this town are set aside. At the same time, it shows how the football team takes already scarce resources from a school system and a town that is woefully in need of money, that the members of the team are above the law, and that anyone who bothers to point out the absurdity of the situation is ignored, if not ostracized. Overall, it was a depressing book, as the ground that the characters tread is paved with past failure and disappointment. The dreams of the players are systematically crushed, and those who achieve any success are few and far between. Those of us who remember the book, and there are many, were probably not looking forward to a heaping scoop of depression every week.
The movie was a faithful representation of the book, except that it focused more on players and the game action than the sociological aspects of the narrative. The distinction is important. The players, no longer tied so closely to Bissinger's theme of "football as obsession" become much more sympathetic and compelling. The television version takes the re-imagining of Bissinger's concept and combines it with some VERY important distinctions…
The show:
First, the setting has changed – instead of 1988, the show is set in the present day. Though the team mascot is still the Panthers, the show no longer takes place in Odessa, Texas, but now takes place in the fictional town of Dylan, Texas.
The pilot episode is centered around the beginning of the school year, and first game of the Panthers new season. Longtime assistant coach Eric Taylor has taken over the Panthers football team, which, thanks to star quarterback Jason Street, is expected to cruise to the Texas state championship. Jason is loved and admired by everyone, including his cheerleader girlfriend, his teammates, and the town as a whole. The big game rolls around, and in typical clichéd football game fashion, the Panthers need to engineer a final, come from behind drive to win the game. Except that Jason Street throws an interception. And then gets hurt trying to make the tackle. Enter his jittery and unknown backup Matt Saracen, who somehow, miraculously, wins the game. Okay, fine, the pilot episode was weak, and the typical "Hollywood" ending may have turned off some viewers who were expecting something different and unique.
But some of us hung in there, and were treated to the extreme left turn taken by the show. As we found out in the second episode, Jason Street was not only knocked out of the game, but his back was broken! The character that was set up to be the star of the show would now be confined to a wheelchair! The dramatic repercussions of this event, and reactions of the characters, have shaped the season to this point.
For me, the first real shock of the season was the relatability of Matt Saracen. He is a likeable awkward teenager, thrust into the role of savior. He is overwhelmed, falters, rights himself, and falters again. The viewer can relate to him, because we were not Hollywood idol superstar quarterbacks like Jason Street, but we were, for the most part, likeable, awkward teenagers too. Unlike every other rags to riches sports clich̩ story, Matt Saracen adjusts to this situation like most of us would Рit is his dream come true, but he knows (and we know) that he just might not be up to the task. Unlike the movie, the medium of episodic television allows us to watch how success, failure, and sudden relative fame affect him over time. We wonder if success will change him, and we watch as he wonders the same thing.
The other shock was Jason Street himself. Even though most of the pilot episode centered around him, after his injury, I half expected his character to be delegated to a lingering subplot. But as we watched his struggles to regain the use of his hands, and his struggles to keep some kind of grasp on the life that he knew, we realize something important: that Jason Street is a very strong character. He is far too formidable to by "only" the quarterback of a high school football team, or even to be the prince of a town that reveres him. From a dramatic standpoint, he needs a challenge that his much more worthy of the force of his personality. The contrast with the other characters is striking; it is apparent that Jason Street will bear his burden more capably than the other characters, even Matt Saracen, will bear theirs.
After reading all of this, you might say, well, that's great Justin, but I just don't like football! Well, my friend, let me tell you a little secret about FNL, which somehow needs to be conveyed to the viewing public:
IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT FOOTBALL!!!
And here's another secret - in the context of the show:
FOOTBALL IS A METAPHOR!!!!
What is it a metaphor of, you may ask? It represents so many different things on this show – overcoming adversity, growth, learning, that a group of individuals can come together for a common goal and be better for it. It is a microcosm of that shared experience that we have all undergone – high school. Somehow, it reminds us of what we were, and how we became what we are now, and perhaps that realization is too painful for some of us.
Watch this show. It's not like I've ever steered you wrong before, have I?
Wait...they won, right?!? (Originally posted on December 11, 2006)
Before you start reading, go ahead and take a look at my last blog entry.
"[Garcia] needs a solid target in the middle of the field to catch those 7 yard passes on 3rd and 4. (Or 3rd and inches, if you're the Eagles.) For the Eagles to be successful, LJ Smith will need to return to form and play the role of Garcia's security blanket."
The Eagles first touchdown - a 10 yard pass from Garcia to LJ Smith.
Also: "I don't feel that Michael Lewis' play was bad enough to warrant benching; Lewis' absence for the last month is a big reason for the Eagles struggles against the run."
The Eagles second touchdown: a Michael Lewis 84 yard interception return.
I have expended my quota of correct predictions for the year 2006 - check back next year for more tips!
The game itself was a tale of two halves - The Eagles played well and caught breaks in the first half, and played horribly in the second half. Just as significantly, the Redskins game plan in the first half was seriously flawed, which helped the Eagles reach a 21-6 halftime lead. Joe Gibbs, the Redskins coach, apparently didn't watch film of any Eagles games over the past two months - he put the ball into inexperienced Jason Campbell's hands, and was rewarded with 2 quick interceptions. At halftime, one of the Redskins' 51 asisstants reminded him that they were, in fact, playing the Eagles, so they started to run the ball. And run. And run. And run. And run. And run. Ladell Betts finished with 171 yards on 33 carries. The Redskins as a team outgained the Eagles by 150 total yards. The Redskins held a 38 minute to 22 minute advantage in time of possession - almost a 2 to 1 ratio. Juqua Thomas made his bid to join Trent Cole, Jerome McDougle, and Omar Gaither in the "defensive lineman that commits a stupid pointless penalty that loses the whole f-ing game" club. And yet they won, so my metaphorical prison sentence continues.
The good:
Jeff Garcia - I know it's a cliche, but sometimes the throws you don't make are as important as the ones you do. Aside from one near interception, he played an efficient, mistake free game. Rather than fall victim to the patented Eagles "one more big play" strategy, Garcia made short throws that kept the clock moving, and didn't make the big mistake. His short completions, even when they ended drives, kept the clock running. Frankly, those innocuous 3rd down completions may have made all the difference in a game that the Redskins would have won if they simply hadn't run out of time.
Brian Dawkins - can we agree that he's a Hall of Fame player? A critical tip on 3rd down, a sack, running all over the field - he can't do it all by himself, Eagles...
Omar Gaither - in 2 games, he's already made more big plays than Matt McCoy did in 11. (An aside - why do the Eages keep drafting these terrible linebackers in the second round? Barry Gardner, Quentin Caver, Matt McCoy? No more second round linebackers, please.)
Dirk Johnson and the punt coverage crew - his leg must have been well stretched out from punting 7 times in the first half against Carolina; he kept pinning the Redskins deep in their own territory, forcing the Redskins to chew up even more valuable time as they were running the ball down the Eagles collective throats.
The character of the Eagles defense - yet again, they were forced to spend almost 2/3rds of the game on the field. Even though they were hung out to dry by the offensive gameplan (again) they gave up only one big play, and held on long enough for game to finally end. They did not collapse after Thomas' facemask penalty, but slowed down the Redskins just enough to allow time to run out.
The bad:
The play of the Eagles defense - 171 yards to a backup running back is not good.
The lack of pass rush - the exhausted Eagles defense gave Jason Campbell all the time he needed in the second half, and he made them pay.
The schedule - 3 games left, 2 on the road, all MUCH better teams than the Redskins. All three of these teams will be much more prepared for the Eagles than the Redskins were, and none will hesitate to run the ball 40 times or more. As yesterday showed, a 15 point second half deficit is no reason to stop running the ball against the Eagles - it will pay off.
Next week:
The Giants, a hall of fame running back and his 264 pound backup. It's going to be a long Sunday....
"[Garcia] needs a solid target in the middle of the field to catch those 7 yard passes on 3rd and 4. (Or 3rd and inches, if you're the Eagles.) For the Eagles to be successful, LJ Smith will need to return to form and play the role of Garcia's security blanket."
The Eagles first touchdown - a 10 yard pass from Garcia to LJ Smith.
Also: "I don't feel that Michael Lewis' play was bad enough to warrant benching; Lewis' absence for the last month is a big reason for the Eagles struggles against the run."
The Eagles second touchdown: a Michael Lewis 84 yard interception return.
I have expended my quota of correct predictions for the year 2006 - check back next year for more tips!
The game itself was a tale of two halves - The Eagles played well and caught breaks in the first half, and played horribly in the second half. Just as significantly, the Redskins game plan in the first half was seriously flawed, which helped the Eagles reach a 21-6 halftime lead. Joe Gibbs, the Redskins coach, apparently didn't watch film of any Eagles games over the past two months - he put the ball into inexperienced Jason Campbell's hands, and was rewarded with 2 quick interceptions. At halftime, one of the Redskins' 51 asisstants reminded him that they were, in fact, playing the Eagles, so they started to run the ball. And run. And run. And run. And run. And run. Ladell Betts finished with 171 yards on 33 carries. The Redskins as a team outgained the Eagles by 150 total yards. The Redskins held a 38 minute to 22 minute advantage in time of possession - almost a 2 to 1 ratio. Juqua Thomas made his bid to join Trent Cole, Jerome McDougle, and Omar Gaither in the "defensive lineman that commits a stupid pointless penalty that loses the whole f-ing game" club. And yet they won, so my metaphorical prison sentence continues.
The good:
Jeff Garcia - I know it's a cliche, but sometimes the throws you don't make are as important as the ones you do. Aside from one near interception, he played an efficient, mistake free game. Rather than fall victim to the patented Eagles "one more big play" strategy, Garcia made short throws that kept the clock moving, and didn't make the big mistake. His short completions, even when they ended drives, kept the clock running. Frankly, those innocuous 3rd down completions may have made all the difference in a game that the Redskins would have won if they simply hadn't run out of time.
Brian Dawkins - can we agree that he's a Hall of Fame player? A critical tip on 3rd down, a sack, running all over the field - he can't do it all by himself, Eagles...
Omar Gaither - in 2 games, he's already made more big plays than Matt McCoy did in 11. (An aside - why do the Eages keep drafting these terrible linebackers in the second round? Barry Gardner, Quentin Caver, Matt McCoy? No more second round linebackers, please.)
Dirk Johnson and the punt coverage crew - his leg must have been well stretched out from punting 7 times in the first half against Carolina; he kept pinning the Redskins deep in their own territory, forcing the Redskins to chew up even more valuable time as they were running the ball down the Eagles collective throats.
The character of the Eagles defense - yet again, they were forced to spend almost 2/3rds of the game on the field. Even though they were hung out to dry by the offensive gameplan (again) they gave up only one big play, and held on long enough for game to finally end. They did not collapse after Thomas' facemask penalty, but slowed down the Redskins just enough to allow time to run out.
The bad:
The play of the Eagles defense - 171 yards to a backup running back is not good.
The lack of pass rush - the exhausted Eagles defense gave Jason Campbell all the time he needed in the second half, and he made them pay.
The schedule - 3 games left, 2 on the road, all MUCH better teams than the Redskins. All three of these teams will be much more prepared for the Eagles than the Redskins were, and none will hesitate to run the ball 40 times or more. As yesterday showed, a 15 point second half deficit is no reason to stop running the ball against the Eagles - it will pay off.
Next week:
The Giants, a hall of fame running back and his 264 pound backup. It's going to be a long Sunday....
Now That's More Like It! (Originally posted on December 5, 2006)
I was 7 yards away from freedom. The Carolina Panthers had first and goal at the 7 yard line, down 27-24, with less than a minute to play. If they had scored, the Panthers would have won, the Eagles would have had a 5-7 record, essentially ending their playoff hopes for 2006. And I would have been free. Free to spend Sundays with my wife. Free to watch sporting events through the eyes of a fan, and not like the obsessive freak that I've become. But Lito Sheppard intercepted Jake Delhomme's final pass in the end zone, and I'm sucked back in, emotionally invested, all too vulnerable to that inevitable annual heartbreak that has become my rite of winter.
The good:
The team's heart - after sleepwalking through the last month, the Eagles actually remembered they were professional athletes.
Jeff Garcia - he played well, making good reads and tough throws. He took some big hits, but showed no ill effects.
Stallworth & Brown - when both wide receivers play well, the Eagles win.
The run defense - after 4 embarrassing performances, the Eagles managed to "limit" the Panthers to 108 yards rushing. Not great, but a huge improvement over the previous month.
Lito Sheppard - 2 game saving interceptions - not bad for missing much of the first month with ankle injuries.
The bad:
The pass rush (or lack thereof) - again, the defensive line just could not put any type of pressure on Jake Delhomme. The absence of Jevon Kearse has crippled the Eagles ability to harass the quarterback.
The blitz - every team the Eagles have played is able to recognize the Eagles blitz. And when they do blitz, the offense seems to have the perfect play called. For example, when the Eagles called a safety blitz late in the 3rd quarter, the Panthers managed to counter them with a perfectly executed screen pass, which resulted in DeAngelo Williams running through the area vacated by Brian Dawkins for a 35 yard touchdown reception. Is the Eagles defense developing obvious blitzing tendencies? Are they just not fast enough to reach the quarterback? Either way, the Eagles MUST figure out a way to generate pass rush. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long final month.
Sean Considine - How does his shoulder manage to stay in its socket after so many missed arm tackles? I don't feel that Michael Lewis' play was bad enough to warrant benching; Lewis' absence for the last month is a big reason for the Eagles struggles against the run.
L.J. Smith - Where did he go? Zero catches. Matt Schoebel was playing tight end in the final quarter, so I'd assumed that LJ was hurt, but he returned to the field when the Eagles downed the ball to end the game. He wasn't mentioned in Andy Reid's post game injury report. Last night's game notwithstanding, Jeff Garcia's forte is not launching 40 yard rockets to his wide receivers - he needs a solid target in the middle of the field to catch those 7 yard passes on 3rd and 4. (Or 3rd and inches, if you're the Eagles.) For the Eagles to be successful, LJ will need to return to form and play the role of Garcia's security blanket.
Me - sentenced to another 2 of weeks of manically screaming at the television, while at the same time alienating friends, neighbors, and relatives.
The good:
The team's heart - after sleepwalking through the last month, the Eagles actually remembered they were professional athletes.
Jeff Garcia - he played well, making good reads and tough throws. He took some big hits, but showed no ill effects.
Stallworth & Brown - when both wide receivers play well, the Eagles win.
The run defense - after 4 embarrassing performances, the Eagles managed to "limit" the Panthers to 108 yards rushing. Not great, but a huge improvement over the previous month.
Lito Sheppard - 2 game saving interceptions - not bad for missing much of the first month with ankle injuries.
The bad:
The pass rush (or lack thereof) - again, the defensive line just could not put any type of pressure on Jake Delhomme. The absence of Jevon Kearse has crippled the Eagles ability to harass the quarterback.
The blitz - every team the Eagles have played is able to recognize the Eagles blitz. And when they do blitz, the offense seems to have the perfect play called. For example, when the Eagles called a safety blitz late in the 3rd quarter, the Panthers managed to counter them with a perfectly executed screen pass, which resulted in DeAngelo Williams running through the area vacated by Brian Dawkins for a 35 yard touchdown reception. Is the Eagles defense developing obvious blitzing tendencies? Are they just not fast enough to reach the quarterback? Either way, the Eagles MUST figure out a way to generate pass rush. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long final month.
Sean Considine - How does his shoulder manage to stay in its socket after so many missed arm tackles? I don't feel that Michael Lewis' play was bad enough to warrant benching; Lewis' absence for the last month is a big reason for the Eagles struggles against the run.
L.J. Smith - Where did he go? Zero catches. Matt Schoebel was playing tight end in the final quarter, so I'd assumed that LJ was hurt, but he returned to the field when the Eagles downed the ball to end the game. He wasn't mentioned in Andy Reid's post game injury report. Last night's game notwithstanding, Jeff Garcia's forte is not launching 40 yard rockets to his wide receivers - he needs a solid target in the middle of the field to catch those 7 yard passes on 3rd and 4. (Or 3rd and inches, if you're the Eagles.) For the Eagles to be successful, LJ will need to return to form and play the role of Garcia's security blanket.
Me - sentenced to another 2 of weeks of manically screaming at the television, while at the same time alienating friends, neighbors, and relatives.
Save the Cheerleader, Save the World! (Originally posted on December 2, 2006)
Enough talk about football, it's getting me depressed. Let's shift gears to something that always makes me happy - television! It wasn't too long ago that I made the decision to gradually cut down on my television watching. As each show I watched wound down and went off the air, I decided that I wouldn't replace it with anything new. You see, I was a busy young grad student, with silly intellectual delusions about how television was a waste of time. I declared to everyone who crossed my path that I would not allow myself to be tethered to that box, a slave to the arbitrary scheduling decisions of evil network executives.
But a funny thing happened on the way to obsolescence. Television became good. And then, television became art.
It started with the Sopranos, which taught us that one hour of television really was enough time to tell a powerful, moving, symbolic story, that the most high-concept ideas did not need to be reserved for a 2 hour movie, but could be fleshed out, sustained, an even strengthened, by the episodic medium. Symbolism and metaphor did have an audience, and the grey shades of moral ambiguity were far more compelling than the simple dichotomoy of right and wrong.
Other shows took the idea of antihero as protagonist and ran with it, producing such fare as Deadwood, 24, Lost, Rescue Me, Rome...all brilliant exercises in stretching the 1 hour of televised drama to new limits.
The newest entry in the antihero genre is the ironically named (but also brilliant) Heroes on NBC. This show has taken the now tried and true antihero formula, mixed it with just enough unrestrained enthusiasm (i.e. cheesiness) and come up with an extremely compelling show.
Most of the characters of Heroes haven't yet been particularly heroic. Nikki Sanders is possessed by the sociopathic alter ego of her dead sister Jessica, and seems to be on the verge of assassinating her ex husband. Nathan Petrelli will go to any lengths to win his pending election, including betraying his wife and brother. Isaac is a heroin addict. We still have no idea on the motivations of the mysterious Mr. Bennet.
But in Heroes, the antihero dynamic has been enjoyably diluted by the presence of Hiro, who is, well, the anti-anti hero. Hiro is the only character that reacts with unbridled joy by his discovery having powers. He immediately accepts the old line from Spider Man, that "with great power comes great responsibility," and leaves everything in his life behind to bravely embark on his quixotic journey. Perhaps more than any of these characters, he's just happy to be on this adventure, and we, the viewer, are happy to be there with him.
One reason for the popularity of the Sopranos and similar shows was that the viewer can relate to the darkness and moral ambiguity that haunts the souls of these characters. Perhaps the converse applies to Heroes: the view can relate to these characters, and that along with our baser instincts, there is the desire to do good, and to show that we, too can be heroes. Or perhaps I was wrong earlier; rather than diluting the antihero dynamic, the enthusiastic qualities of the show serve to sharpen that dynamic by stark contrast, making it as effective of a vehicle to do so as any of the shows listed above. Only a show that works on so many levels can infuse a ridiculous slogan like "Save the Cheerleader, save the world," with true meaning. Regardless, it is a compelling, silly, amazing show.
(Also - watch Friday Night Lights. It's even better.)
Mea culpa, television. Mea maxima culpa!
But a funny thing happened on the way to obsolescence. Television became good. And then, television became art.
It started with the Sopranos, which taught us that one hour of television really was enough time to tell a powerful, moving, symbolic story, that the most high-concept ideas did not need to be reserved for a 2 hour movie, but could be fleshed out, sustained, an even strengthened, by the episodic medium. Symbolism and metaphor did have an audience, and the grey shades of moral ambiguity were far more compelling than the simple dichotomoy of right and wrong.
Other shows took the idea of antihero as protagonist and ran with it, producing such fare as Deadwood, 24, Lost, Rescue Me, Rome...all brilliant exercises in stretching the 1 hour of televised drama to new limits.
The newest entry in the antihero genre is the ironically named (but also brilliant) Heroes on NBC. This show has taken the now tried and true antihero formula, mixed it with just enough unrestrained enthusiasm (i.e. cheesiness) and come up with an extremely compelling show.
Most of the characters of Heroes haven't yet been particularly heroic. Nikki Sanders is possessed by the sociopathic alter ego of her dead sister Jessica, and seems to be on the verge of assassinating her ex husband. Nathan Petrelli will go to any lengths to win his pending election, including betraying his wife and brother. Isaac is a heroin addict. We still have no idea on the motivations of the mysterious Mr. Bennet.
But in Heroes, the antihero dynamic has been enjoyably diluted by the presence of Hiro, who is, well, the anti-anti hero. Hiro is the only character that reacts with unbridled joy by his discovery having powers. He immediately accepts the old line from Spider Man, that "with great power comes great responsibility," and leaves everything in his life behind to bravely embark on his quixotic journey. Perhaps more than any of these characters, he's just happy to be on this adventure, and we, the viewer, are happy to be there with him.
One reason for the popularity of the Sopranos and similar shows was that the viewer can relate to the darkness and moral ambiguity that haunts the souls of these characters. Perhaps the converse applies to Heroes: the view can relate to these characters, and that along with our baser instincts, there is the desire to do good, and to show that we, too can be heroes. Or perhaps I was wrong earlier; rather than diluting the antihero dynamic, the enthusiastic qualities of the show serve to sharpen that dynamic by stark contrast, making it as effective of a vehicle to do so as any of the shows listed above. Only a show that works on so many levels can infuse a ridiculous slogan like "Save the Cheerleader, save the world," with true meaning. Regardless, it is a compelling, silly, amazing show.
(Also - watch Friday Night Lights. It's even better.)
Mea culpa, television. Mea maxima culpa!
Deeeee-fense! (Originally posted on November 27, 2006)
The Eagles took a beating last night, and if this were a normal season, their playoff hopes would have all but vanished. However, the NFC has been horrible this year, meaning that the obsessive and foolish among us must cling to that strand of hope that the Eagles can somehow right their ship. A more merciful league would put us out of our misery, but the NFL with its blessed parity lets us linger...until when? Week 12? Week 14?
And so, deluded as we are, we're forced to seek out the bright spots in last night's carnage. And there were some. Jeff Garcia played like a bona fide NFL quarterback. Solid, not spectacular, but better than anything we've seen from a quarterback not named McNabb since ol' Ty Detmer's heyday in the mid 90's. Brian Westbrook was great. Passes were evenly distributed. Even the gameplan was mostly good - Garcia wasn't forced to do anything that he was not capable of. Except, of course, for the disastrous pass by receiver Hank Baskett, which killed any chance the Birds had of keeping pace in the first half. Still, taking into account Akers' missed field goal, the Eagles offense played well enough to score 24 points, enough to win most games.
So what was the problem? Unfortunately, it's the defense. The defense has gone from a team strength to a weakness. Admittedly, they were playing against the nearly unstoppable Colts, so last night's sample is a bit skewed. And a look at the stats show that they aren't THAT bad, ranking in the middle of the league in many categories - total defense, 3rd down conversions allowed, etc. So again, what's the problem, especially given that their ranks include 5 former Pro Bowlers?
#1) Lack of fundamentals: John Madden made an excellent point last night - he noted that the Eagles used to be good tacklers, but not any longer. How often have we seen a defensive player anticipate the play, make an excellent first move the break up the play, and then carelessly fail to wrap their arms, allowing a 3 yard loss to turn into a 4 yard gain? Those yards add up, especially in the 4th quarter. (I'm looking at you, Matt McCoy.) Brian Dawkins seems like the only sure handed tackler, which is a good thing, since he seems to be making all of them by himself.
#2) Lack of pass rush: since Javon Kearse was lost for the year, except for the Cowboys game, there has been no pass rush whatsoever. There is no one on the Eagles defensive line that demands more than one blocker, so teams are able to run a "normal" offense against them. Even the blitz packages are no longer working - how often have we seen the Eagles rush 8 players this year, only to see the quarterback loft the ball almost carelessly over Sean Considine's helplessly outstretched fingers into the arms of the waiting receiver?
#3) Most importantly - time of possession: The Eagles defense is on the field for an average of 31 minutes and 50 seconds per game, the 4th most in the league. Even the best defense will become worn down with that kind of work, and the Eagles have been in a time of possession hole for most of the last 5 years. It follows that #1 and #2 are the direct result of #3.
More later.
And so, deluded as we are, we're forced to seek out the bright spots in last night's carnage. And there were some. Jeff Garcia played like a bona fide NFL quarterback. Solid, not spectacular, but better than anything we've seen from a quarterback not named McNabb since ol' Ty Detmer's heyday in the mid 90's. Brian Westbrook was great. Passes were evenly distributed. Even the gameplan was mostly good - Garcia wasn't forced to do anything that he was not capable of. Except, of course, for the disastrous pass by receiver Hank Baskett, which killed any chance the Birds had of keeping pace in the first half. Still, taking into account Akers' missed field goal, the Eagles offense played well enough to score 24 points, enough to win most games.
So what was the problem? Unfortunately, it's the defense. The defense has gone from a team strength to a weakness. Admittedly, they were playing against the nearly unstoppable Colts, so last night's sample is a bit skewed. And a look at the stats show that they aren't THAT bad, ranking in the middle of the league in many categories - total defense, 3rd down conversions allowed, etc. So again, what's the problem, especially given that their ranks include 5 former Pro Bowlers?
#1) Lack of fundamentals: John Madden made an excellent point last night - he noted that the Eagles used to be good tacklers, but not any longer. How often have we seen a defensive player anticipate the play, make an excellent first move the break up the play, and then carelessly fail to wrap their arms, allowing a 3 yard loss to turn into a 4 yard gain? Those yards add up, especially in the 4th quarter. (I'm looking at you, Matt McCoy.) Brian Dawkins seems like the only sure handed tackler, which is a good thing, since he seems to be making all of them by himself.
#2) Lack of pass rush: since Javon Kearse was lost for the year, except for the Cowboys game, there has been no pass rush whatsoever. There is no one on the Eagles defensive line that demands more than one blocker, so teams are able to run a "normal" offense against them. Even the blitz packages are no longer working - how often have we seen the Eagles rush 8 players this year, only to see the quarterback loft the ball almost carelessly over Sean Considine's helplessly outstretched fingers into the arms of the waiting receiver?
#3) Most importantly - time of possession: The Eagles defense is on the field for an average of 31 minutes and 50 seconds per game, the 4th most in the league. Even the best defense will become worn down with that kind of work, and the Eagles have been in a time of possession hole for most of the last 5 years. It follows that #1 and #2 are the direct result of #3.
More later.
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